No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight...

Opening note: I wrote this last night. Fell asleep too fast to post it. :)

Here I am, sitting alone in the semi-quiet room. The skies outside are black like death, looking perfidious and unfriendly. Maybe it's the glare from the lights, but from the window it looks blank and starless, like someone just wiped a blackboard. The eyesores of bright, white unnatural glow beaming from the garden centre next door show the reality that we've ruined our earth, failed at stewardship, and the next generation to receive our world in their hands will be left with a mess of fluorescence, chewing gum encrusted pathways and an absence of trees, pandas, polar bears, fossil fuels and natural magnificence. Look back at poetry of great writers that died before they could see how we destroyed their muse.Their work speaks of magical nature; seasons changing, the colours, the sheer amazement of flowing streams and soft golden rays of sun. With these strange weather patterns, It's as if our earth is crying for help, pleading for our attention. As a human, I am ashamed.

The Mocks closed in so fast. Last time I checked, it was January the First at12am & I was watching that Hootenanny thing with my dad, jumping around idiotically to Dizzee Rascal and Florence & The Machine. After this, it's a short jump to Junior Certificate (in which I haven't completed two projects that everybody else has and I'm too embarrassed and anxious to ask the teachers for help) and then it's two shorts years and Leaving Cert. And then the rest of my life. I've brought this up before, I know, but the utter rapidity of it is mind-blowing. I just hope I do okay in the mocks. Maths and Geoggers were today. I feel I did terrible in Maths, but very well in Geography. *pride*. I finished Maths in an hour and then highlighted my hands. I've got no motivation for studying lately, much like everything else. This type of unconscious apathy is so immature, but I can't rid myself of it.What if I don't end up as some sort of writer? What if I end up as a bum, drinking scotch all day, bones protruding and wearing atrocious attire? My dream is to write, and get my fifteen minutes of fame and spend my life in my dinky London apartment overlooking the Thames; wearing patent Louboutins and elegant beige and tope linen, floral tulip skirts and sweet heart mini-dresses with my pro Nikon slung around my neck. I guess I just don't deserve it.

I was googling some poems for English when I came across two poems I hadn't read in a long time: Ode To A Nightingale by John Keats & Lara, 10 by Michael Hartnett. Reading them aloud to myself, I felt captured and embraced by the sugar-spun, indulgent writing styles. I'm going to share extracts with you, because frankly, creativity isn't what you grow or are born with, it's bestowed upon you by what you encounter:

'O for a beaker full of warm south,

Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene

with beaded bubbles winking at the brim

& purple stained mouths...

...Where beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,

Or new love pine at them beyond tomorrow...'

                -Keats

'Here's my blessing for you, girl,

and it is no petty grace-

May you have the beauty of your mother's soul

and the beauty of her face.'

-Hartnett

Before I call an end to my piece of shite post, go listen to 'Smile' by Lily Allen.

Cracking tune.

How y'all have a good day, ya' hear?

Lucy

xoxo

Love and Stuff.

Winter is slowly passing by. I can see it in the iridescent turquoise skies and feel it in the fresh, biting air. The sky is rich and creamy at eight in the morning instead of clouded and inky, and the grass is a pulsing emerald. The only sign left to happen is the budding of tiny new leaves from the currently sword-like, coal branches that embrace each and every tree. I love spring: the tiny birds chirping their welcome, the petite marshmallowy snow-drops like little, growing church bells, the whole world plunging itself into a technicolour paint bucket. It's an inspiring time of year for new beginnings & dying grudges; the year's exfoliation. With every season, it's a set change. Brand new experiences and images everywhere, new shades and tones, and different emotion is in the air. Spring is the time for love...and stuff.



Teachers are going into overdrive on the exam front. Homework homework revision homework. I should really stop complaining about school but jesus, it's only my junior cert and they act like it's a huge, profound indicator of my future. Ehm, tbh, if I end up doing religion studies or political studies, I'll kill myself. Speaking of which, I still haven't gotten to have my talk with the guidance councellor about my future. He canceled on Monday for Monday, re-scheduled for this morning but yesterday, I was informed he'd have to re-schedule for tomorrow. Will I everrrrr get to discuss my career and plans? I need some guidance(rofl). Moving on; I've been feeling so crap about myself lately. I've put on weight over Christmas and because of the state my back is in at the moment, I can't start aerobics or exercise. Seriously, I can't stop eating and my skin is breaking out and the more it happens, the more I need comfort food. I've been thinking of fasting. eating as little food as my parents will let me. I wasn't gorgeous before but now I'm just AGHH. Anytime I look in the mirror, I have to bite myself as a distraction. Hello, Mrs. Pretty-giving-overnight Fairy?



What's the deal with the delay in Haiti? It's been a week since the destroying, seven-second earthquake on the island and there still isn't enough aid going out there? In CSPE on Tuesday, Mr. Kennedy (substituting for the wicked witch Ms. McEnery) said that Haiti, being on the same geographical island as the Dominican Republic, was the first country of black slaves to rebel against the force controlling them, which was France. Ever since they 'had the cheek' to try to restore their freedom, they have been shunned by the surrounding area. It was the same with the natural disaster in New Orleans. New Orleans is populated mostly by African-Americans. No matter how much we deny it, America and a lot of other modern civilizations are incredibly conservative, and therefore racist. To get to my question, what fucking idiots hold a grudge from over 200 years ago, which stops them from helping people who experienced a disaster which could destroy their country? Comment.





Short post. Roight.
I must go because my back is causing my serious pain.
LUCY X

I wanna bathe you in the light of day...

The snow has died. It's clinging on for dear life in every nook, cranny and grey stained corner. But you know, the ice mistress is no match for the powerful, haunting grip of the rain king. I'm not so delighted at the recent return to normal weather, but I was getting totally fed up of all the snow. It was cold and icy and gave my 'rentals a reason to keep me inside and make me study. Speaking of study, I got my results back from the xmas tests. I did totally shit. I don't give a dog's bollock about the fucking christmas examinations, but the mocks are in 3 weeks time and I reeeaally gotta start working if I want to get better than D's. Encouragement, O Readers? Give me faith that mayhaps three weeks is enough to revise over three years. Oh yikes. It sounds dreadful. I've got 6 tests back so far. Let me give you a lowdown on what I got:

• English: 49% -Majorly disappointed with that result
• Irish: 57% - I thought that was pretty damn okay
• Geography: 48% - Disappointed again
• Maths: 25% - Failed, plus my parents freaked
• History: 81% - Vair unexpected, but I'm proud
• French: 74% - Expected but still proud

So y'all gotta give me something. Feedback on anything exam related. Your comments have been total crapola lately. Maybe it's because I'm an annoying hoe or something. Probably that of course. Does any other country have Christmas exams? I know that they have midterms? Do they have Summers? England have GCSE which are like our certs. Sigh, I am so confused. Let's just burn down all the schools do them all and get it over with.



Oh, yes, blog. I am a total Gleek. Unless you've been living under a Mexican convict's boat for the past year without internet connection, you'll have heard about Glee. Glee is a tv show that's kinda like someone poured vodka and red bull all over High School Musical. And I am obsessed. Utterly and totally. I've watched the first 3 episodes on 3e (Irish channel) and the others on Tv Shack. At the mo', it's my savior because I've been grounded for the weekend and they won't give me my motherfucking laptop (I'm on the apple now). Seriously, I talked about that disco for ages and getting my mojo back because a hot guy wanted to meet/snog me and now GRR they decided my exam results were bad enough to stop my happiness *melodramatic sigh*.

I've been writing this post for days. Seriously, I'm just epic fail. But my tiny little life is just the same everyday. I have gossip but anyone can access my blog and it's fucking risky. Also, btw, I know my blog sucks nuts. Fo' sho'. But it's my blog and you don't have to read it. *cough cough* Nicky. Why does all my posting lead back to me batting away criticism? Guess it comes with le territory. Blogs are outlets, so fark the haters. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love having followers, and getting comments and reading other people's blogs but in the end I have a blogger account for myself only. The people who care will follow and support and comment their opinions, good and bad. The people who don't care.. well I don't care. I'm sleepy.

We have to choose our senior cycle subjects before the end of the month. Parents went behind my back to try to put me in transition year, tonnes of respect for me there, eh? I'll just blow the interview. I have no clue what I want to do in the future. I suppose I wish I could be a Journalist like Veronica Guerin, a writer like George Orwell or a photographer like Ansel Adams. But they're dreams. In reality, I should do what the test told me: Keep my range between Ticket Checking and Check-out Worker. I really am clueless. I'm 14, and they're giving me a month to decide my future. Greeeat. Comment on that, I need some help.



I'd better go and put this rubbish-bin of a post to a close.
Ciao for now.
Lucy

(will sext for comments.. I JK btw *shifty eyes*)