A moment alone...

[Set The Mood - Fader by Temper Trap]

Ash has gone JLS and I wanted to have a nice big talky time 'til I remembered the concert. So I decided the only even relatively useful thing to do with my time is eat a sprinkle donut and blog, because, let's face it, I am a bad blogger. Sorry about lack of posts, was busy in school/Johnny Cash/msning people to blog. 

Not much has changed, really. I'm happier because of something, but if I blog it, I might ruin it or jinx it, y'know? I like being happy. It changes how I see things. Sister's confirmation was on Thursday, and even though I got the day off school for it, I didn't go. I lied for a while about it, when people asked how it was. But truth is that it was another breakdown. I was putting on my makeup and all I saw was my nose and my spots and my squinty eyes and my braces and my weird shaped lips and my love-handles and the little pouch of fat that hangs delightfully under my waist, and my small boobs and short legs. I felt my way into the fetal position and cried for ages, parents attempting to coax me etc. For a while they were angry, and my sister was crying and my mom was pleading and whining. When they'd finally decided on leaving me, I realized how selfish and thick I was (which really didn't help) but budged myself off the walnut flooring of my room and stumbled down the stairs to the melodious sounds of The Temper Trap and strength-giving Blondie. I sprayed abooot 40 sprays of my Bach Rescue Remedy on my tongue and decided that I should be presentable for guests after. I did my eyeshadow pretty and everything. And the rest of the day was fine. It's peculiar. They're making a shrink appointment tomorrow. 

The next day while brushing my teeth, I overheard my parents having a discussion about finance. Dammit, it didn't sound so great. I don't know.

The Lovely Bones is amazing. I've decided straight out that I'm not going to watch the movie simply because of the fact that there is no way it'll live up to the book. The words are spun in little spindles of silk, in a way that would be destroyed by any director. Also, Susie Salmon is not Saoirse Ronan in any way. Seriously.

Crap post, but comment anyway.

Hoping for about 5? Link?

LUCY

Trying to find the hole inside my head...

[ Set The Mood ] - Giving Up The Gun - Vampire Weekend

Today was the first day of school after the midterm. It was like this big icy tide come to rain on my parade. It's kind of shocking how fast something hit me though: I need to get working. Lately one phrase has absolutely bombarded my brain. 'Rest of your life, rest of your life, rest of your life'. I know, nobody thinks the Junior Cert. is very important, but I need to get at least honours? Aiming for C's is probably not what I imagined myself aiming for back when I was in first year, but it means I have a nice skeleton to fill in during senior cycle in school. Basically, I want my classes to be Honours Irish, Honours English, Pass Maths, Honours French, Chemistry, Biology and History. Aims of 2010 have been decided as follows: Do well in school, start writing my book and find some sort of teenage love/romance. The only problem is they won't work side by side, they're all gonna get in the way of each other. Comment your ideas?

I'm starting to feel left out again. First noticed on Saturday. Everyone was mingling, getting along. I was watching 'em. It's like I'm accepted, but that doesn't mean they have to get close to me? Don't get me wrong. Some of them are amazing. And it mostly only happens when they're in groups, where they can bond and go "Ha ha, look at this short, stumpy weirdo". But it upsets me. Had another 2 miniature break downs. And parents found out more things. They're forcing me into professional help. I know plenty of people who are currently seeing or have previously seen a shrink, but it doesn't seem like it'll be my cup of tea. Especially the way my father phrased it. 'We just need a third judgment of you'. Grrreat. Half the problem is people judging me. I just feel like it's a waste of money, when we're already having financial problems. 

Vampire Weekend's Contra is a let down. I like it, but it's not quite as good as the previous album. White Skies is my current favourite. I give it aboot 3 stars.

As a finishing note, I need to lose weight. Everyone bug me and insult me to get me motivated.

LUCY

I don't know what's truly altruistic anymore...

[ Set The Mood ] Obsessions - Marina & The Diamonds

I need more change. I was reading my formsprings and somebody asked why I talk about matters I don't know. See, that was never my point. For some reason, I always assumed people got the point from the first post they read: naive, young girl who likes to record her feeling and thoughts and what she sees. But instead they think I'm rambling about things I have no clue about. The funny thing about the question is that they said 'wait until your twenties'... In 5-6 years time, I'll be only a fraction the wiser. 40 years still might not be enough to understand life at all. Anyhoo, on to the change. I think I'll change how I format my posts.  Shorten them, change what they're about. Limit the pictures to ones I take myself. Post daily - almost daily. Maybe I'll just shut it down. But first of all, I'm taking down the rating system. Nothing like spending 45 minutes writing something to be bombarded with 'crapola's. I need ideas from you guys anyway.

But that's not the extent of my change. I need to smudge it into real life too. Help with my list?:

• Less insulting/sarcastic
• Shut my mouth
• Tone myself up
• Eat fruit and drink water when I'm hungry
• Dress more classy then slutty
• Learn some manners
• Get more philanthropic
• Go platinum blonde

That's all I have so far.
Comment your ideas?


LUCY

formspring.me

Favourite feature in a person?

Eyes are verryy important to me. The way they act, how sensual they are, how happy... etc. There are more than one. (:

megan fox or hayley willams?

Hayley Williams. No questions.

Tea or coffee?

Tea with 4-5 sugars and verryyy little milk. I'm picky.

fave song everrr?

Naive by the Kooks. Or Suffragette City by David Bowie. Crack the Shutters by Snow Patrol. Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine. Tainted Love by Soft Cell. I Want you To Want Me by Cheap Trick. It varies. (Y)

Fave band?

The Kooks orrr Snow Patrol. (:

Can I have your legs? They're lovely.

Okay. If I can have your boobs ;)

How is your hair always so straight?

HAIR DRYERR. <3

Ask me anything

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue... Fuck You Whore.

[ Set The Mood ] Hero - Regina Spektor

The ivory skies are flowing with melancholy above everybody's heads. The air that is cold, but not refreshing. The smell of damp and mildew. And frost gently kisses the grass on those blue mornings, leaving that annoying wisp of silver that's not quite beautiful. Just average. Depressingly average. I don't understand; There's gorgeous Summer, all three months. With it's glowing, amber ambiance and dewy grass, and warm rain showers that feel amazing on our light baked skin. There's Spring, the birth of new, glorious, colourful flowers with their honey-sugar scent and the pregnant clouds that block the slate skies. And autumn has the whole crunchy 'we're all in a big oven' feeling that so many people adore. Winter is enchanting for the first while, but it annoys me when it's ink runs right into February, as it has now. I am begging for Spring-Summer-Autumn. I feel so off-focus and off-schedule, like someone smudged my lens. All I can do is eat and cry. I don't know. Another crappy post, I guess?


Watched (500) Days of Summer again. It's just. Wow. I highly recommend (and will eventually force) anyone and everyone who has not seen it yet to find someway to bask in it's wonders. I'm not sure whether to call spoiler alert or not, but I want to talk about the movie and the points made and elaborated on throughout the film. Fairytales. And cynicism. And serendipity. And hope and destiny and fate. It basically brings, if only a little bit, realism to the indie rom-com genre. At one point, we see a man falling head over heels in love with a woman. A simple concept; He just adores her quirky, casual air. But we see him clutching at straws, as she plays him like a fool, and he's left running around with a blind-fold on. It shows the ups, but mostly downs, of Summer & Tom's relationship in a clear light, instead of the silly flaws overlooked by the hero in every other romantic movie. Let's face it: In real life, we don't overlook flaws. No matter how much we love someone (even in a platonic way) we are going to see flaws and be annoyed by them. The one thing that makes me really and truly hate on people who are in love is when they call each other perfect and mean it. It's different when they use the phrase 'perfect for me' because they know what they mean. That this person has flaws, and is not the same as them, but they click in a jigsaw type of way. But when they say perfect, I facepalm. Perfection is like Santa Clause, you believe in it until you know better. Anyway, I just took the road less traveled in telling you that flaws are important and perfection isn't real. I have lost my mind.

Another thing my mind has dwelled on lately is existence. Why are we here? I guess we need enlightenment to know. There's another question. How do we reach enlightenment? See, this is why theology and religious spirituality is a load of bollocks. Ironically, I do think spirituality is important but on a personal level, rather than 'oh look, I'mma sing songs and talk to a giant bearded zombie in the skies' type of way. Anyway, it's because they dig holes that they can't plant trees in. False hope. People give half hour sermons on how if we live like Jesus or Muhammad, we'll reach enlightenment and the afterlife, himmel. It's sugar-coating that we're all gonna die. That we'll just lie there, six feet under, rotting and we're gone. Rather than telling us that, they say we all live the lives we wished we lived on Earth in the skies, or in the world around us. That we get recycled. I don't know, controversial topic, but it's an opinion. And I'm quite the cynic.


Loads of 'crapola's as of late. Hence why I might shut this down soon. People don't like listening to me ramble on about bittersweet nothing and my philosophical and moral errors.  I know that I've been expanding old material in recent posts, but my mind changes on the topics every once in a while, and documentation is the key to success, methinks. Comment about your favourite movie, your opinion on religion, here and now, and flaws.



Lucy

Pens and Daggers

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I'd make a short and sweet post while I let my conditioner sink in. Mocks over, midterm started. Overall, the mocks were..... okay. Stressful, but I wasn't suicidal. Midterm so far. Hmm. Friday: not even going into that, let's just say that I'm an idiot. Saturday was better, just chilled with some friends in a relaxed, nonplussed way.

Valentine's day though... Aha, the purchase-fuelled 'romantic' day of the year. Don't get me wrong; I do cry my bollocks off because of my lack of an other half. But it's such a prosaic concept. Heelloooo, you lovely couply folk, are you just trying to make me feel like shit? I was in town, watched Ponyo (which is good) and then dropped by at the Chinese New Year festival. I swear to god, it was like a massive big edition of Mr & Mrs. I wanted to scream 'FUCK ALL OF YOU' but I didn't because people doubt my sanity enough as it is already. So yeah, boo them.

Will post another blog tomorrow, methinks. Or if not tomorrow, the next day. But I'm also contemplating shutting this down. Because... nobody cares about my problems, really.

Ughh, and one last note; do you ever get annoyed by people who try so hard to be original that they end up changing their minds every few seconds? Especially when they criticize others. It's just AGGHHHHH. Idk, maybe it's just me.

Love and Kisses,

Lucy

No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight...

Opening note: I wrote this last night. Fell asleep too fast to post it. :)

Here I am, sitting alone in the semi-quiet room. The skies outside are black like death, looking perfidious and unfriendly. Maybe it's the glare from the lights, but from the window it looks blank and starless, like someone just wiped a blackboard. The eyesores of bright, white unnatural glow beaming from the garden centre next door show the reality that we've ruined our earth, failed at stewardship, and the next generation to receive our world in their hands will be left with a mess of fluorescence, chewing gum encrusted pathways and an absence of trees, pandas, polar bears, fossil fuels and natural magnificence. Look back at poetry of great writers that died before they could see how we destroyed their muse.Their work speaks of magical nature; seasons changing, the colours, the sheer amazement of flowing streams and soft golden rays of sun. With these strange weather patterns, It's as if our earth is crying for help, pleading for our attention. As a human, I am ashamed.

The Mocks closed in so fast. Last time I checked, it was January the First at12am & I was watching that Hootenanny thing with my dad, jumping around idiotically to Dizzee Rascal and Florence & The Machine. After this, it's a short jump to Junior Certificate (in which I haven't completed two projects that everybody else has and I'm too embarrassed and anxious to ask the teachers for help) and then it's two shorts years and Leaving Cert. And then the rest of my life. I've brought this up before, I know, but the utter rapidity of it is mind-blowing. I just hope I do okay in the mocks. Maths and Geoggers were today. I feel I did terrible in Maths, but very well in Geography. *pride*. I finished Maths in an hour and then highlighted my hands. I've got no motivation for studying lately, much like everything else. This type of unconscious apathy is so immature, but I can't rid myself of it.What if I don't end up as some sort of writer? What if I end up as a bum, drinking scotch all day, bones protruding and wearing atrocious attire? My dream is to write, and get my fifteen minutes of fame and spend my life in my dinky London apartment overlooking the Thames; wearing patent Louboutins and elegant beige and tope linen, floral tulip skirts and sweet heart mini-dresses with my pro Nikon slung around my neck. I guess I just don't deserve it.

I was googling some poems for English when I came across two poems I hadn't read in a long time: Ode To A Nightingale by John Keats & Lara, 10 by Michael Hartnett. Reading them aloud to myself, I felt captured and embraced by the sugar-spun, indulgent writing styles. I'm going to share extracts with you, because frankly, creativity isn't what you grow or are born with, it's bestowed upon you by what you encounter:

'O for a beaker full of warm south,

Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene

with beaded bubbles winking at the brim

& purple stained mouths...

...Where beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,

Or new love pine at them beyond tomorrow...'

                -Keats

'Here's my blessing for you, girl,

and it is no petty grace-

May you have the beauty of your mother's soul

and the beauty of her face.'

-Hartnett

Before I call an end to my piece of shite post, go listen to 'Smile' by Lily Allen.

Cracking tune.

How y'all have a good day, ya' hear?

Lucy

xoxo