Another 10 years...

(pics of le 27th)

Okay, no post in ages because I had like 8 drafts and found them all boring etc. I waited for New Years Eve just to post about resolutions and my year being atrociously honest. That means I skip out on a couple of days where I went to McDonalds, went to the cinema and stayed at home. You miss so much, right? Anyway, down to the dirty job I suppose.

This year was a turn around. It opened my eyes to a lot of things, took my innocence, took some of my pride and ego. And there were times I thought I'd kill myself, times I felt like my heart was ripped to pieces. To sum it all up, it was an okay year. Even with all the negativity, I made it through relatively unharmed and more knowledgeable on a lot of things. I explored my sexuality more, met new people, saw Paramore live, and had so many amazing memories that make me smile each time I think them over.

Those times under the slides when it was lashing rain, the silly kissing games that my parents would be ashamed to see me take part in, the chewing gum that never left my mouth and the people who never left my side. I feel like I know exactly who I can trust right now, through error of course, and I know who will never tell secrets. It's nice having the security, y'know?

People hurt me, but I know I hurt people a lot more. I feel bad for everything I said this year and feel the need to put it all behind and dissolve grudges. It's never good to be angry for stupid reasons, and that's what I was most of the year. Most of the decade even. 2010 is going to be amazing, I can just feel it. After the Junior Cert, I'll properly get working. For my future.



Anyway, on to resolutions:

1. Stop word vomiting all the time
2. Get my sexual mojo back
3. Exercise more for general health
4. Drink water for my skin
5. Learn 'Smells like Teen Spirit' on guitar
6. Make amazing Alice costume for Burton's Premiere/Nom Con
7. Ignore people who try to start fights
8. Make a lot more friends
   

I get it, they're stupid, but we'll see if I change some etc.
It's 2am, 01/01/10
Lucy Bennett, signing off on a brand new decade.

LUCY
COMMENT
XX

Jolly Good Time, Eh?

(click to enlarge, as always, dudes)


Merry Christmas to you all.
Short post to show you some new pictures and make my present list:

• Nikon D40 - SLR Camera <3
• Navy and Cream Cardigan from New Look
• Dark Blonde Extensions from Sister/Claires
• Hairdryer
• Blonde Shampoo
• Nail Polish
• Bath bubble thingies
• Make Up Brushes
• T-Shirt w/ Girl on It
• Painting of French Couture Thingiemabobs
• €100 euro
• Big 'Mastering Digital Photography' Book

Good year. Am totally delighted but knackered and stuffed. Aunt Flo came to visit. Fuck you, Mother Nature. Will write proper loaaaads tomorrow.

LUCY
XXX
Comment with what Santy got you. (:

Sounded like an alarm of impending doom...

Light and dark. The beauty of each, in solitary and contrast. The pure white that floods every corner, the one you only notice when you're alone and concentrating on sweet nothings and nuggets of drama. The luscious, melting darkness that devours cities, soaks footpaths and swallows you whole, but is only terrifying when one is, again, alone. I think it's the same with people. When you're alone, you see the twisting, convulsing black that sweeps through their veins or the flowing silver rivers that rush and turn in their brain. People aren't perfect, but lately, I've seen that everybody tends towards a different side. Like swaying towards darkness or light. Minds just work differently. Some people thrive on being cruel, feeling dirty, being harsh. Others do those things, but feel terrible. I'm not necessarily saying that any of it's bad, but these angelic, creamy people often get walked all over, and the dark, sick people get hurt by their own actions and are left empty. It's about comfort though. If you're happy in the present with what you are, so be it. It's you and there'll always be someone who agrees, even if they pretend they don't. Unleash your demon or delight.



Yesterday changed the Christmas. There was this one thing that shook me up a bit and it felt like I'd been kicked really hard in the stomach, and even now when I've woken up, the feeling's not gone. For a while, I honestly felt like dying. Like taking my own life. Perhaps I was just incredibly hormonal and fuelled by the 'one thing' but I took it as an option. It scared me, because I felt this exact way last Christmas, and the one before. This Christmas was supposed to be perfect. Even if I haven't achieved my inner goal of having a boyfriend, I brushed it aside. I was going to ignore everything that could make me upset. Too late now. This is going to be on my mind the whole holidays, I can feel it. Maybe it'll stop me from eating and my ass will stop expanding like a balloon at a helium convention. And then there was another misunderstanding which was quite funny to me, because me, Ash and Jem left these... interesting tags on some girl's facebook pictures thinking you couldn't see who wrote tags. Blonde moment, you can. And then the girl and her friend start calling us sad. It brightened my morning reading those comments, really, because she has done so many sad things and made me and close friends miserable loads of times.


(Tessa's new video to get you in festive spirit. Meekakitty <3)

I am probably being forced to mass tomorrow morning. Which is the suxxor. I shall stage a protest and just lie in bed after I've opened all of mes cadeaux. I don't believe in God or Jesus for the time being so why should I be forced into celebration of a sham? Stupidity. Grandparents coming today. Oh sweet joy. I love Granny Kate, she is just soo nice. But Granny Whatsherface is just a pain in the ass. Yes, yes, I'm horrible, she's my granny. But she's one of those people that you know and hate because they're stuck up and cruel and way too nosy and arrogant and pass remarkable. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to put up with all their shit. Grandad John is lovely though, he likes gardening and BBC. How he could marry such a witch, I don't know. I will just put all my attention on the nice grandparents. Ohmigoddd, this last paragraph made me sound like such a cow. I'm sorry to anyone I've offended etc. Not a good month for blogs, I must say. Not a good month for Lucy's self esteem. Touché, l'Esteem Self, touché. >.>

I shall go now.
Follow me on Twitter if you don't already:
Lucy/paintburst
COMMENTTTTT.
Lucy
xxx

Birds in my ear, and a devil on my shoulder...

I haven't blogged in way too long. Unbelievably even. I've even lost a follower. COME BACK! I have been so busy/stressed/paranoid lately though with tests and friends and town and reading and Super Mario Bros studying. Today though, the tests are over and no school till the 7th of January 2010. I can't believe it's almost a new year already. First Christmas, yeah, whatever. But then it's my new start. Big woo. This time last year I was either in surgery or totally unconscious in I.C.U (and I just wanna dance with you). It's a leap. I feel like there's still a part of me in that operation, even though it's been a full year. Anytime I think about it, I burst into tears uncontrollably and it takes me a cup of tea and 8 choccy biscuits to calm down. I guess I should be glad to put it behind me and go on living like it never happened, and pretend I can't see the hideous scar. Dramatic Sigh. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. I feel so festive singing along to Wham's 'Last Christmas' not Cascada's shitty cover and drinking hot chocolate and wearing... scarves and staring at twinkly lights and falling over wires because I was too busy staring at the twinkly lights.



I can't wait for my camera. AHHHHH. It's like the Christmas Eve excitement factor but I have it 2 days early. Nobody will stay in and watch Love Actually tomorrow. Will brave cold winds with proudly-worn Panda hat and warm jeans and coat and shit. Am listening to Nickasaur. Rocketships and Radios is total utter crap but it's always in my head. If a guy said those things about me, I swear I would squee for hours and give him my proverbial virginity. Still searching for Prince Charming. I should probably be more proactive and flirty etc but I cannot be arsed, tbqf. The bloody effort. I have lost my mojo. It's goneee. Come back mojo. I haven't gone out with someone since bloody September. I haven't even fancied anyone since then. Come along on thou's noble steed and I shall ride along with you/on you. Eugh, whore comment. Dear prostitute-brain, please cleanse yourself, signed Mr. Conscience. Anyone normal reading this blog would think I'm a crack addict. Listening to All American Rejects. Some of their songs are depressing. I might as well go hang myself. BTW, readers, that was a tasteless satirical joke on myself. Which made no sense.

Does everyone get jealous? Feel the burning at the back of their throat, the furrowing of their brow, the strong need to insult this 'other person' 24/7 or to shoot them down. Being blind to things you do that are similiar and insulting insulting insulting. I feel so evil when I'm jealous, and homocidal. Like if I had a rifle, I'd perform another Columbine Massacre. Stabby rip stab stab. Even as I write, I have this kind of ripping-tummy thing going on, like I'm nauseous and pregnant with knives or something. My mind's all twisted. I can hear the festive fumblings from downstairs. Someone pushing the tree, someone making coffee, someone placing presents. And I'm up here alone, bathing with the green monster. I'm jealous of EVERYONE lately. I fail, I fail and this blog was crapola bars. I may as well go.

LUCY
XX
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http://moshime.com/justsayyes

The Curtains Are Twitchin'

That white light. The one that wakes me, the one that dances upon my desk. The white light that gleams through the gaps of the venetians. Knowing that there are possible hundreds of people experiencing that white light every morning does not make it any less special. It just makes it more magic. It makes me smile. First smile of the day, sometimes the only smile of the day. That one fragment brightens my mood. It's something about the way it looks. It looks like hope and belief and all those childhood fairytales shooting through the folds. Like some crack occured in the big red-brick wall of reality and fantasy. It makes me think and treasure. Maybe we don't have to be serious all the time. Maybe we can lose ourselves in 'mights' and 'maybes' for a moment. If you block out that tiny four year old who believed in fairies and Santa, you'll go insane. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Getting on high on life doesn't make you a stoner, it just means you're not an annoying realist bitch.



Paramore last night at the O2. Motherfucking awesome. Like, unbelievably. We queued for four and a half hours, and people had travelled from Donegal, which is a six hour journey and then queued for 8 hours. I made some friends in that queue, exchanged numbers, made your mom jokes, got people to sing 'happy birthday' to Ash even though it was nowhere near her birthday. Singalongs of Misery Business and Ignorance. Freezzzinng, but I bagged a cig off some fella. And a light, obviously, otherwise it would be quiet pointless. Talked to this pretty blonde with astonishing eye make-up about her smoking weed in her garage. Beat some tall fittie at your mom jokes, then got a high five from him. Saw my tagged friend, Alex. Saw that Stitch bebo-fame kid. And he was the weirdest because he was wearing loads of foundation and judging by his bebo pics, FUCKLOADS of photoshop. And then these really nice people from Donegal gave us Haribo and she had a massive leopard print bow and he was camp and had an uncle in Celbridge. They pushed us all back in the queue three times even though people who'd only been there for an hour were at the front. Finally at 6.30, we were let in and omigod, I had this rush of adrenaline and we ran for the pit. I had this dare to meet a randomer or I had to meet Gareth Ronan as the forfeit, so I snogged this totally beautiful guy and then after went back for his number. We were like OMG LUCY'S LOVE LIFE WENT RIGHT but then he was from Mayo and that was major disappointment factor.



Now Now Every Children [pictured] played first, we ended up in a crowd of Celbridgians mates and mate's mates. NNEC were amazing. New found obsession. Sarah commented down there about them and I was like 'psshhh, they probably won't be that good' but wow. I still thought Paramore were better, but they have more experience too. Bought Cars, the album from Now, Now Every Children at the merchandise stand for a fiver at the Support Band interlude. Then I went off for a piss and missed the start of Paper Route, but I didn't really like them. FINALLLYYYY, YMA6 came on and the crowd went berserk. It was like a massive surge forward and everyone was jumping like loonatics. They played The Consequence from the new album out in January and then a pile of songs from Take Off Your Colours and some from their demo which surprised me. MMMM... Max looks adorable in person. After a break and a backdrop change, Paramore took the stage. Seriously, Hayley is teensy weensy. Like a hamster. And she jumped around like a retarded squirrel. She sounded kinda like a chipmunk too. Damn, she's just a small mammal altogether but she gave a great performance and it's kinda her character I guess. Josh was positively amazing, although he wasn't very connected to the audience.



Half way through the show, me and Missa took our shirts off and were just bobbing around in our bras. Too shmad like. Hayley welcomed us all to the family, which was undoubtedly a crowd-pleaser as it caused this insane uproar. They played Emergency and Crush Crush Crush, which were the second and third best songs of the set. And thennnnn after faking leaving the stage, they came back for an encore with Ireland jerseys and soccer balls for Misery Business and then Brick by Boring Brick with all the support bands [except YMA6, which I thought was pretty odd] jumping around. They then bid us adieu and ran off stage, leaving a high-decibel crowd behind in ecstasy. Okay, I admit, it obviously wouldn't have been everyone's cup of tea, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. When we originally got into town, me and Missa went on the ferris wheel and took pictures and talked to these Paramore-goers in the booth behind us. I took this one picture of the city that came out great, so I'mma put it up for y'all to see up there.



New phone on Friday because of an incident on Wednesday including me being stranded at a bus stop miles from where I live when it was dark, raining and late. It's the LG KS360, qwerty keyboard, fm radio, mp3 radio, 2mp camera with some nice exposure for a phone cam. I'm in love with it. Free twitter and texts. And it's so easy to do both with the keyboard. This morning I loaded it up with Feist, Bombay Bicycle Club, The Kooks, Bowie, Tegan and Sara and Now, Now Every Children. So it's the ultimate Lucy-device. I just read over this post and realized how annoying it is because I basically recorded the concert. Okay, skip that bit if you want. And just come down here or something? Well, I have to go off and study for six hours. Stupid christmas tests and education. I'd prefer to live uneducated.

Lucy
XX
COMMENNNTTTT

You don't have to worry, 'cause we're still the same band...

Hola, amigos.

Que-que-que-que paaahsa? (You just gotta know that song)...
Today was just that same key as always. Typico Monday where I spent the night before crying/doing homework/msning and wake up late and greasy and just smooth on some concealer and then my fringe is all horrible and stringy so I shove it back and walk around with my horrible bumpy forehead on display. Sexy, aight? Sooo, then I got this major lecture from my Irish teacher. I was going to stand up and tell her everything I ever thought of her, the stupid bitch, and it would've been worth the suspension. But of course, I pussied out. The times I actually should pussy out, I never do; Stupid hillbilly brain. I could be smart if it weren't so backwards. >.> Spent my weekend being lazy. Saturday went Dublin City for the first time with actual parental permissones. Saw Paranormal Activity [read below] and then went Penneys and bought mango shtuff for Kris-kindle. Bus home we drew funny pictures in the windows of people we know or dislike and I listened in on this couple beside us when Ash and Jemma musicked themselves up. They were talking about skinny-dipping and bra sizes and bulimic men. Quite amusing, what you hear on buses. I came home pretty damn early because dad was going on the lash and I had to take care of sister dearest. We watched HP & THBP. Which is one of favourite movies now because A) iz awesome and B) iz movie that I went to see when I went out with Danster fer first time. :3





Paranormal Activity is total and utter shit. I swear, I was either crying with boredom or from laughter, but not because I was scared. I admit, I did yelp once but that was because I was trying to decipher the chinese meal that Katie and Micah Sloane were eating and then 'RAWWH LOUD NOISE'. So I was just in shock. All they did was drink coffee, turn the cam off for sex, see a shadow, their door slammed, see a shadow, drink coffee, hear a noise, follow footsteps, see a shadow, be possessed, kill your husband, run away then put an FBI type message at the end telling the public that is was a work of fiction, because nobody wants a Blair Witch Project fiasco again. If I knew I'd be watching something that bad, I'd have never paid for it and gone off and watched Nativity instead which is what I was meant to see. Sad face because Nightmare Before Xmas 3D wasn't put in cinemas again this year. They had it for like 3 years in a row. I'd much prefer to see a classic Tim Burton than an incredibly low-budget demon-possession movie. And they make you think the demons after her, when really it's after him the whole time. Futt that shick, I highly recommend you not to waste your valuable time watching that.





I have this crazy insatiable urge to lose my virginity lately. Call me crazy, but I don't even care if it's with someone who 'respects me' anymore. It's like when you're 6 and somebody has the new Bratz shoes and their describing them and you're sitting in awe as they describe animatedly how it's the best thing since sliced bread. I'll fuck someone while they're drunk. Nobody fancies me so, ehm, only way anyway. Because I want my sliced bread. AHA just there Orphan finished downloading. Will watch with somebody soon. I don't watch horrors alone. It just makes me more miserable. Maybe I have S.A.D or something, but I've been feeling so down lately. Not shallow down but 'why do I have a life when there are hundreds of possible prodigy children dying in 3rd world countries?' down. It makes me think too hard, like when Lizzy gets the letter from Darcy in Pride & Prejudice. She is forced to think about who she is and how she is, her flaws and her inevitable mistakes. And after it, she sees real goodness. Genuineness, honesty, reality, trust. This year was my personal Darcy-Letter. I used to be shallow, proud. But now I don't care what people look like. It's how people are that I consider. I'm not a good person, but I'm a damn good judge.



Christmas in approx. 18 days. Woo woo, much. Am addicted to candy canes. Mother decided to buy me and my sis €2 boxes of 12 candy canes for our mates, and jesus, I'm already down to 7. Nom nom nom. The colours make me feel all festive. Attempting to do homework. Fail. I'm doing some French letter thing using online translators. Translators ftw. At the same time, am listening to 'creepy' space noises for Naddiesaurus. I have a feeling it's actually a screamer but there are only 30 seconds of it left. Okay, no, Jupiter literally just whirrs and swissshess. Fun times, eh? BTW, you lame people, one comment. Thanks much? That is just... grr. Y'all are Scrooges during Christmas, right? Don't be so stingy, spread the holiday cheer. I feel a mission coming on... >:]
- Reader's Mission 07-12-09:

• Comment Question of the Day (lolz, I feel like Shane Dawson or Michael Buckley) is what is your favourite part/thing about Christmas?
  
• Comment on at least 3 blogs today [and you can include mine, btw :3]

So, go complete your mission, oh lovely things. May not blog for another few days so comments build up or something. Love you guyssss.

LUCY
XX
COMMENTTTT


[ps. yes, I have been using smileys/retard speak/not very profound expressions but I'll stop when I don't need to cheer myself up...]

Hammers fall on all the pieces...

Good morning, Mr. WWW.
It is 8.47am. It's a Saturday morning, but it feels like a Sunday. I have to finish off my homework, but sod it, I would stop half way through a snog with Colin Farrell to blog. Hang on, I just lied. Sorry, but can you truly blame me? AAAAnyway, yesterday was fun. Made cookie monster cupcakes which were big hit. Nomnomnom. They were slightly more lilac than blue because I ran out of food colouring but meh. I forced Jemma and Ashling into going. They went but moped around all emo. You know how ironic it is to go 'I'm bored' in a room full of people? I bet those African children never say that (>.>). Over on Naomi's site, she posted Harry Potter when all the parts that said wand were now changed to willy. I swear I basically PMSL. It was taken from Facebook, the land of Pirate English and those weird secret quiz things that everyone answers a little toooo truthfully and then you pay your 50 coins and read their answers and it's like... 'Ehm, thanks, I'ma Go Die.' ( Harry Potter's Wand/Willy )







Got a snog last night. T'woo T'woo. Second year, but oh well. And then there was something that someone should've told me considering that someone told me something they should've told me last weekend. I feel so betrayed or something when people do that. And the topic itself upset me. Ahhh. This all sucks. Sad face. Ever get that feeling of nausea when you think of something that
upset you? When I went home, I felt like I needed to puke all over the place. I still do. And it's not like a stomach bug or anything, I know for a fact it's because of the thing. 'You treat me just like another stranger'; Speaking of Paramore, next Saturday at the o2. Something to look forward to and something to distract me and Missa. And then it's Christmas tests, then Mocks, then Junior Cert, then Christmas tests again, then Summer tests, then Christmas tests then Mocks then Leaving Cert, then college, then family then dead. Holy shit, my days are numbered at 14.







I walked around that room, smelling musky like stale B.O. and salt, the wooden floors spreading the expanse. The barred windows remarkably like a prison, the poker table set up. The stacks at the back like warehouse stock. But it's the people who catch my eye. They're all the same. The wemos with their weird hair and try-too-hard make-up, in stripey clothes and fat skinny jeans. The wannabes in their jeans, uggs and long sleeved tops, occasionally topped off with a scarf of some sort. The Guitar Dorks jamming away in the dark corner, wearing leather jackets or dress shirts. There are the people that nobody can name, in their normal clothes or Criminal Damage hoodies (at least the Dunnes Stores version). And then there's me, Jemma, Ashling and the rest of the guys. Guys don't tend to bunch off as much; It must be like 'Yo, you have a penis too!' and then they're all happy clappy no bitch zone. I was wearing my white t-shirt, my black high waisted puffball skirt with the white polkadots, my honey-coloured tights, my black patent heels. Jemma was wearing her signature emo hoodie-and-jeans combo. Ashling in her normal people clothes. Both still look better than everyone at youth club. It's as if they don't even try. I love you guys.




(I usually hate Trashley and Hairy-Kate but I like this pic. :P)



On a little social note, Gino is king of the Jungle! I would've preferred Justin to win but he was gone and damn, Gino D'accampo is like 'TAP THAT ALL OVER THE FLO'. Yayyy, Gino. I'd also like to thank someone this week, and she has already mentioned me in her latest blog but anyway....
Ahem...
I would like to thank Merissa George Genesis Cullen for being here for me. The phone calls, the movie days, the lesbian sex good clean fun. You have to be the best friend anyone could have. Beautiful, kind, funny, a listener and a talker. You are awesome-squared. I love chuuu, babes. Seal for Christmas, but we'll get a muzzle so it doesn't eat Tesco. Lulz.

Testing..
Major Tom,
Over and out.
LUCY
XX
(comment pleeease)

Short post, kk, my badddd.

I have spent a week not blogging apparently. Sorry for lull, I was made blog-redundant by my f-izzle-ather. Apparently, nicking his iphone in the middle of the night to talk to peeps on Bebo is bad behaviour. Lolz @ his sillyness. Not much has happened. Habit caught by parents, they grr'd at me then realized that it only made the problem worse. Was told to shape up or ship out of Honours maths, so I decided 'shape up' because I can be smart if I please, I'm just uber lazy. Merissa and Chris broke up. Efa and Breda are still together. Laura broke up with Tom. Spent Sunday with Missa, taking 37 pictures, watching Not Another Teen Movie and eating. Saturday, was forced into town with cousin. I felt showed up by her. She's all gorgeous and clear-skinned and brown haired and slim and D-Cupped. I was like 'KTHXIMAGODIE' and any time I turned my back, mummy dearest bitched about me to my cousin. Helloooo, ever hear of common ethics? It also meant I didn't get to say goodbye to Danny. Listening to Lenka. Mmmm, pretty singing.





Ever feel things slipping through your fingers? Like your grasping and tugging but they're falling through the cracks. Like all your dreams are melting. Over-dramatized but still. I used to care so much about people but they're fading like pencil, like all those promises are becoming quieter and quieter 'til they vanish. All the friendships. It's like Paramore: 'We were friends who stuck together, we wrote our names in blood...'. I miss being little and ignorant. Deaf to the insults, blind to the differences. We were all just kids. Okay, okay, I admit being a little put off by the one in the corner who smelled funny or the one with the wonky eyes, but all in all it was a great time. Now it's all superficial. I notice that when I wear my contacts to school and wash my hair, people go gaga over talking to me. When I'm greasy and glasses-ed, people laugh or talk about me behind my back. It's horrible, really. Shallow, shallow, shallow. And the way I dress does not make me a slut. >.> I just like looking skinnier than I am, kk? AHH. Pssh. I don't feel like blogging so this will most likely be fail. 6 comments. Not too shabby, but ehhrrrmm 58 followers. So that means 52 of you lazy sods aren't doing anything.

I feel the need to go. Cinderucy shall post tomorrow night.

Comment, Jizz, Bath towels.
LUCY
XX