Bank Holiday Weekend Midterm Start.. (Y). T'was pretty damn awesome. Saturday, me and Missa wandered and got lost in forest and then met up with peeps etc. I think I said that last post. Anyway, Sunday... Oh yes, Missa slept over. Watched One Missed Call. Fucking freaky shit, Missa wasn't affected, she is totally horror-tolerant. I was terrified. Naturally. She snores like a hoover. She is too too funny though. Wrote a rap about George the Nigger. Danced to 'I've got a little puppy' by The Smurfs. Oh, the fun. Todayyy, we had separate showers, dried our hair, did our make-upsss. Then I went back Missa's place and waaaaalkkeedddd to call for Ash. We looked mad 80s, me and Missa, cus we both curled our hair and had these whopper bows and leather jackets and illuminous shit. We were ballin' loike. I'm mad hyper. Because I ate like a harse. White chocolate, sour jawbreakers, that sugar-filled over-advertised sour spray thingymabob, salt and vinegar twists. I feel fat as fuck. But I was mad hyper. To the extent that Dannysaurus Rex actually asked if I was drunk. Ste had whiskey though, I fink, but I wasn't going to risk groundation over the mid-term for a swig. And then I basically hip-hop-super-moshed to Taylor Swift and Busted and MJ. And me and Missa did our 'I've gotta little puppy' dance again. Complete with loud refrains of 'POOPAAAA, POOPA SCOOPA'. We really oughta get our heads checked.
I felt so ugly today, and fat and unwanted. I felt like everyone's always staring me down, like the disobedient young child who is always misbehaving... the ugly misfit. And the whole dramarama doesn't help. Dividing the group is just pointless... It's not like it's going to help anything. It's not like it's going to magically work. I apologized. She just didn't accept it. I know so much that I went way too far out of line. And I understand why. But I wish I never said it, I wish I could shut my mouth, I wish I wasn't such a fuck up. I always wonder how the people I know... how their lives would play out if I never existed. If I wasn't ever there or if I vanished. I always think people would be happier. People seem sad when I'm near. Like I drag grey rain clouds above me on a string like helium balloons. I don't know. Epic fail.
I'mma go.
I don't feel like dancing.
LUCY
COMMENT
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