Erised Stra Ehr Oyt Ube Cafru On Wohsi

She pored into the rabbit hole and at what seemed like the bottom was a kaleidoscope. Her back arched forward as she attempted recklessly to get a better look. The exotic shades were so different to the beige and grey of her surrounding world; before she could yield it, she felt her body tumble forwards as she twisted and spiraled. After a while, she felt the sickening pull of Gravity‘s grasp as she was plunged into darkness. A blink... and there before her muddy green eyes was a utopia of sapphire streams and soft downy grass. The air was fresh and crisp, tasting like youth in her mouth. She began to stroll leisurely, arms wide ‘til she stumbled across a white hare carrying a copious pocket-watch...

If you could choose any wondrous escape you wanted, right at this very moment in time, what would it be? You‘ve seen mine, so fill me in on yours. Best comment receives a mention.

I‘m deeply sorry about the long delay between posts. Mocks are coming up and there are so many things on my mind, and to tie it all up, I betcha I‘ll be single for valentine‘s day. I‘d say yes to anyone‘s offers now. Mostly because I basically fancy everyone I know. Anywhoo, I had a breakdown this morning. I haven‘t had one in literal ages so it probably would‘ve happened sooner or later, but I really thought I was over all of that. All through first and second year, some mornings turned out wrong. I‘d be getting ready for school & I‘d look in the mirror and suddenly totally freak out. I‘d lock myself in the bathroom and sob and scream like a crazy person, hyperventilating. My dad had to talk to me through the door and coax me to open it. When I finally reluctantly opened it, they‘d stand there silent and just stare at me, and I‘d get that atrocious burning feeling that I get when people are being condescending or judgmental so I‘d shout at them to stop staring at me with my hands over my ears. The next stage was fetal position on the cold, tope tiles. BTW, if you're reading and judging, go away. Because I'm typing this out to make me happy.

Anyway, on those days, I'd always be late for school and people would ask me where the fuck I was and I‘d always have to lie, and their questions made me feel worse. Today, I kind of just felt everything in my head explode and I was doing all my usual things and I told mom everything I felt bad about, like not having the trig homework done for two weeks because I was too embarrassed to tell the teacher I didn‘t understand it because she's a bitch to me and stuff and all the other things and how I look and the self harm and everythinggggg. And there were 3 more tries of re-doing my make up and then I gave up and gulped down 3 cups of extra sugary tea and talked with mom and dad and we came to the compromise that today dad would go through trigonometry and pythagoras &tc at home instead of going to school. I feel a bit better though, shakey and anxious, but better. I know, I know, big deal out of nothing but it always gets to me a lot.

Dad googled me and found my twitter, my facebook, my plurk and, get this, Keeva‘s blog. He went all angry red coloured and then started questioning me about head shops and whether I state my address on websites. I learned a valuable lesson from it though; I need to adjust my privacy settings. That was last night, and it did contribute to my stress levels. Tonight when I was getting my laptop off mumsy, she asked what I was planning on doing. I was so tempted to go 'having lesbian cyber sex with women who are planning on leaving their husbands on facebook chat' but I didn't because that would be taken seriously by my chocolate-covered lemon of a mother. Oh well, no big deal after all, it's done and dusted etc.

OMG more 'drama'. I don't know, I don't really want to dwell or anything on the topic, so I'll just say that it's pretty fucking stupid to be making such a big deal about 'being two-faced' when a) you're practically three-faced, b) I‘ve done worse before and I hardly did anything and c) Haiti. There. Done. I feel better.

I think I'll end this post with an extract from a poem I read today in a book of my sister's. It's by Christina Rossetti, I hope you like it as much as I do:

 ________________________________

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of thoughts that I once had

Better by far that you should forget and smile

Than you should remember and be sad. 
________________________________

Comment please.

Lucy

xoxo

EDIT: mention if anyone in the comments figures out what the title is.

          and who clicked crapola? >.>

Toast with golden syrup...

Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack...







Stop with this monotoneeee. Feels like liquid life is rolling off my back. I wish I could live hard and fast... Pull these stupid metal torture devices off with pliers, get suspended, drink, smoke and snort like a rockstar, totter around in 6 inches everyday. Fuck in ditches, have boys trailing at my feet. Ash blonde dye with bright pink coon-tails. I want to be bright-bold-beautiful... but I'm left as Lucy Bennett. The 14 year old with braces and bad skin and no excessive prettyness in any form and an expanding waistband and no tits and no boyfriend. And I'm a waste of space... my parents say it enough and everyone else acts like it. My house is my cage.. I'm just a bird with clipped wings. I feel like I don't get to explore.. I feel trapped and secluded and stupid. I want out.



Today, today, today. Some hot blonde milf came to check out the house to rent. We cleaned 'til 3. Doctors appointment at 5.30. So I went out anyway. Me, Missa & Ash trailed after some people and then got bored and pulled a 'toilet break' at her house for tea and fuddzz. Mmm, golden syrup on toast. And we played 'Do, Date, Dump' and Truth because we know Ashling only ducks into the Dare option. For any inquisitive young people, No, Ashling doesn't poke herself, which we discovered in truth. (Y). It rained today. Surprise, fuckkingg surprise. I was reading Time;Surge and it was about rain and it was lovely. There's something therapeutic about rain. Only when you're indoors listening and watching though. Outside it's just annoying, when eyeliner dribbles and that white t-shirt you wore reaallllly wasn't such a great idea. But indoors, it's like toddlers dancing on your roof, like watching a thousand glittering fairies dance and drop, dance and drop. 3 hour doctor wait... Just for acne cream. There were these two adorable korean kids and that brightened the trip.



I really miss my camera. It's like a horcrux. Like someone destroyed part of my soul. PS. That sounded 18x better before I typed it. On those rare occasions that I look nice, I like to capture it and display it. Oh, and those beautiful gradient pink-orange-indigo sunsets that are so ethereal. Keyword is bracelet. I had to go and fuck up and break it, right? Laptop screen, broken. Phone, broken. Camera, broken. iPod, lost. I try so hard to be careful and graceful but damn, is that a fail. And I'm clumsy. I fall and trip all the time. I thought nobody noticed, but then people started describing me as 'the clumsy blonde' so... I obviously wasn't as inconspicuous as I'd previously wished and assumed.





Hardly any comments. Just Georgia & Vic again. ILY guys. You always comment. It keeps me blogging when you guys comment. It turns on my light-bulb of hope and creativity.
I'mma go now because I'm tired and need tea to give myself envigorating bounce etc.
Addicted to Kesha's Tik-Tok.

LUCY
XX
COMMENT

Making pictures where the lines overlap....

Mes petits chous!
Thanks for all those wonderful, endearing comments.. *major sarcasm*. Except to Vic, of course, because she bloody gives a shit. I adore Vic. Favourite follower by far because she comments all the time. She comments like fuck. Heavens sake, she's half of the cbox in her own rights. Love towards Vic. Snap-claps and what not. Today, today, today. It was okay. I started the day with a free History period in the library. We weren't allowed do homework, so there went my plan to finish my business before Ms. Plunkett snapped and gave me a note. So I basically made doodles along the margin of my History textbook of Adolfo shooting himself. And then the swastika all over the border too. Smiley smiley happy times. Then we had Irish. Ms. McEnery is some Hitler Youth child reincarnated. She's all smiley and shit and then when she closes the door she's shouting as gaeilge. The exam paper workbook thingy is so fucking hard. I'm like... eh... Ceist B (i)... Hrrm.. Ahhmm.... I'll just write 'Mhadra, Bainne, Dearg'. Translation = Dog, Milk, Red. And then double Science which was so boring. I don't really give two shits about those damned reactive Alkali metals. I mean, jeeeesh. FFS, she didn't even let us do the fun explodey experiment that set off the fire alarm last year. Kabooooom. After that, I went home because of my lower discs and their pressure. In the receptionn... hrmm. I talked to Aoife and Sophie and Aisling. Sophie is nice to me. I think she used to hate me. She gets a bad rep. When they called my mummy dearest, she was at a funeral. I was like... dayum, Lucy, stupid hoe discs. She collected me after half an hour though. So yays.





Paramore ticky ticks came in the post today. I saw that familiar brown envelope thingy and I got all excited and WOOOO. 5 tickets to le grande Paramore et You Me At Six. Then I went on msn and talked to Missington and shite. And then I downloaded Paramore's Brand New Eyes. 'Tis truly a great album. I like it. It's more like All We Know Is Falling. I still prefer B-Sides and Rarities. The pre-released songs were the best on the album so my expectations were half crushed, but I still adore it for being good without being too good. If ya get my drift. Highlights tomorrowww. And new glasses frames. I'm getting these sexy large frames... black, rectangular, sorta like my current ones, the ones in zee pic. But they're like bigger and stronger. And yummy. I'll look like a kinky secretary. Oh yeah, spank me after the tea break. Put it in after the meeting with the associates.



I'mma go now then. And btw, to all you stupidddd people, the comment box is OVER THERE. The cbox. Just type into it. Go anonymous if you please anyway. Just make me feel listened to in some way. 45 followers and only 1 bothers to comment. Sigh.




LUCY XOXO