She pored into the rabbit hole and at what seemed like the bottom was a kaleidoscope. Her back arched forward as she attempted recklessly to get a better look. The exotic shades were so different to the beige and grey of her surrounding world; before she could yield it, she felt her body tumble forwards as she twisted and spiraled. After a while, she felt the sickening pull of Gravity‘s grasp as she was plunged into darkness. A blink... and there before her muddy green eyes was a utopia of sapphire streams and soft downy grass. The air was fresh and crisp, tasting like youth in her mouth. She began to stroll leisurely, arms wide ‘til she stumbled across a white hare carrying a copious pocket-watch...
If you could choose any wondrous escape you wanted, right at this very moment in time, what would it be? You‘ve seen mine, so fill me in on yours. Best comment receives a mention.
I‘m deeply sorry about the long delay between posts. Mocks are coming up and there are so many things on my mind, and to tie it all up, I betcha I‘ll be single for valentine‘s day. I‘d say yes to anyone‘s offers now. Mostly because I basically fancy everyone I know. Anywhoo, I had a breakdown this morning. I haven‘t had one in literal ages so it probably would‘ve happened sooner or later, but I really thought I was over all of that. All through first and second year, some mornings turned out wrong. I‘d be getting ready for school & I‘d look in the mirror and suddenly totally freak out. I‘d lock myself in the bathroom and sob and scream like a crazy person, hyperventilating. My dad had to talk to me through the door and coax me to open it. When I finally reluctantly opened it, they‘d stand there silent and just stare at me, and I‘d get that atrocious burning feeling that I get when people are being condescending or judgmental so I‘d shout at them to stop staring at me with my hands over my ears. The next stage was fetal position on the cold, tope tiles. BTW, if you're reading and judging, go away. Because I'm typing this out to make me happy.
Anyway, on those days, I'd always be late for school and people would ask me where the fuck I was and I‘d always have to lie, and their questions made me feel worse. Today, I kind of just felt everything in my head explode and I was doing all my usual things and I told mom everything I felt bad about, like not having the trig homework done for two weeks because I was too embarrassed to tell the teacher I didn‘t understand it because she's a bitch to me and stuff and all the other things and how I look and the self harm and everythinggggg. And there were 3 more tries of re-doing my make up and then I gave up and gulped down 3 cups of extra sugary tea and talked with mom and dad and we came to the compromise that today dad would go through trigonometry and pythagoras &tc at home instead of going to school. I feel a bit better though, shakey and anxious, but better. I know, I know, big deal out of nothing but it always gets to me a lot.
Dad googled me and found my twitter, my facebook, my plurk and, get this, Keeva‘s blog. He went all angry red coloured and then started questioning me about head shops and whether I state my address on websites. I learned a valuable lesson from it though; I need to adjust my privacy settings. That was last night, and it did contribute to my stress levels. Tonight when I was getting my laptop off mumsy, she asked what I was planning on doing. I was so tempted to go 'having lesbian cyber sex with women who are planning on leaving their husbands on facebook chat' but I didn't because that would be taken seriously by my chocolate-covered lemon of a mother. Oh well, no big deal after all, it's done and dusted etc.
OMG more 'drama'. I don't know, I don't really want to dwell or anything on the topic, so I'll just say that it's pretty fucking stupid to be making such a big deal about 'being two-faced' when a) you're practically three-faced, b) I‘ve done worse before and I hardly did anything and c) Haiti. There. Done. I feel better.
I think I'll end this post with an extract from a poem I read today in a book of my sister's. It's by Christina Rossetti, I hope you like it as much as I do:
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For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of thoughts that I once had
Better by far that you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.
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Comment please.
Lucy
xoxo
EDIT: mention if anyone in the comments figures out what the title is.
and who clicked crapola? >.>
