Oh, fuck it.

Through the window the watcher came...

Ooohhhhh, I fail. Here's the thing, bishes. I don't post half as much. I'd like to say that when I leave you for a while it builds anticipation, but nah, I'm just too lazy. I'm just remembering the days when I blogged daily, how I could hardly survive without it. I think I'm going back to that stage. I'm not gonna lie, the blog before this one was a dark hole. It was the way I felt, and letting it out was just sweet serenity. I have a perfectly great life, so I guess the thing that always got me down was my self esteem and my parents fighting. I always got dragged into my parent's fights, never my sister, just me. I don't know why, I never really was a normal or good daughter, that's probably the main contribution. Oh, I'm confused, but the main point is that I'm shallow-happy lately. It's the chain drinking energy drinks that keep me awake, hyper and happy. But then they wear off and the two hours sleep shows under my eyes and my mind spirals into a room with no lights on, and I become anti-social. It's how I used to be.. And then I thought it was gone, but clearly not if it's happening now. Doesn't help that I overthink, doesn't help that my family is in serious financial crisis, doesn't help that my confidence fell apart at the seams, doesn't help that people slag me off everyday. I really and truly have no clue what I'm supposed to do from here.

I've got my friends, they don't know I'm feeling down, but they support me subconsciously none the less. When I'm with them, I easily forget where I really am, how I really am. Even if I do make a show of myself, at least I'm distracted. At this exact moment, my head is pounding, my back is aching, and my eyesight is blurred from staring at the lightbulbs up above my head. I'm trying so hard to actually clear my mind. Swishy trees outside, typical Irish images. Dayum, this blog post is lame as fuck. GRRRR. I just don't know anymore, why the fuck am I not happy?!

You guys, if you think you can distract me, add me on msn:
lkbennett@live.com

I really need people to talk to and see if I can find out what's wrong with my bloody mind without stressing out my parents more or annoying my friends with my childish endearments.


Lucy signing out.