You don't have to worry, 'cause we're still the same band...

Hola, amigos.

Que-que-que-que paaahsa? (You just gotta know that song)...
Today was just that same key as always. Typico Monday where I spent the night before crying/doing homework/msning and wake up late and greasy and just smooth on some concealer and then my fringe is all horrible and stringy so I shove it back and walk around with my horrible bumpy forehead on display. Sexy, aight? Sooo, then I got this major lecture from my Irish teacher. I was going to stand up and tell her everything I ever thought of her, the stupid bitch, and it would've been worth the suspension. But of course, I pussied out. The times I actually should pussy out, I never do; Stupid hillbilly brain. I could be smart if it weren't so backwards. >.> Spent my weekend being lazy. Saturday went Dublin City for the first time with actual parental permissones. Saw Paranormal Activity [read below] and then went Penneys and bought mango shtuff for Kris-kindle. Bus home we drew funny pictures in the windows of people we know or dislike and I listened in on this couple beside us when Ash and Jemma musicked themselves up. They were talking about skinny-dipping and bra sizes and bulimic men. Quite amusing, what you hear on buses. I came home pretty damn early because dad was going on the lash and I had to take care of sister dearest. We watched HP & THBP. Which is one of favourite movies now because A) iz awesome and B) iz movie that I went to see when I went out with Danster fer first time. :3





Paranormal Activity is total and utter shit. I swear, I was either crying with boredom or from laughter, but not because I was scared. I admit, I did yelp once but that was because I was trying to decipher the chinese meal that Katie and Micah Sloane were eating and then 'RAWWH LOUD NOISE'. So I was just in shock. All they did was drink coffee, turn the cam off for sex, see a shadow, their door slammed, see a shadow, drink coffee, hear a noise, follow footsteps, see a shadow, be possessed, kill your husband, run away then put an FBI type message at the end telling the public that is was a work of fiction, because nobody wants a Blair Witch Project fiasco again. If I knew I'd be watching something that bad, I'd have never paid for it and gone off and watched Nativity instead which is what I was meant to see. Sad face because Nightmare Before Xmas 3D wasn't put in cinemas again this year. They had it for like 3 years in a row. I'd much prefer to see a classic Tim Burton than an incredibly low-budget demon-possession movie. And they make you think the demons after her, when really it's after him the whole time. Futt that shick, I highly recommend you not to waste your valuable time watching that.





I have this crazy insatiable urge to lose my virginity lately. Call me crazy, but I don't even care if it's with someone who 'respects me' anymore. It's like when you're 6 and somebody has the new Bratz shoes and their describing them and you're sitting in awe as they describe animatedly how it's the best thing since sliced bread. I'll fuck someone while they're drunk. Nobody fancies me so, ehm, only way anyway. Because I want my sliced bread. AHA just there Orphan finished downloading. Will watch with somebody soon. I don't watch horrors alone. It just makes me more miserable. Maybe I have S.A.D or something, but I've been feeling so down lately. Not shallow down but 'why do I have a life when there are hundreds of possible prodigy children dying in 3rd world countries?' down. It makes me think too hard, like when Lizzy gets the letter from Darcy in Pride & Prejudice. She is forced to think about who she is and how she is, her flaws and her inevitable mistakes. And after it, she sees real goodness. Genuineness, honesty, reality, trust. This year was my personal Darcy-Letter. I used to be shallow, proud. But now I don't care what people look like. It's how people are that I consider. I'm not a good person, but I'm a damn good judge.



Christmas in approx. 18 days. Woo woo, much. Am addicted to candy canes. Mother decided to buy me and my sis €2 boxes of 12 candy canes for our mates, and jesus, I'm already down to 7. Nom nom nom. The colours make me feel all festive. Attempting to do homework. Fail. I'm doing some French letter thing using online translators. Translators ftw. At the same time, am listening to 'creepy' space noises for Naddiesaurus. I have a feeling it's actually a screamer but there are only 30 seconds of it left. Okay, no, Jupiter literally just whirrs and swissshess. Fun times, eh? BTW, you lame people, one comment. Thanks much? That is just... grr. Y'all are Scrooges during Christmas, right? Don't be so stingy, spread the holiday cheer. I feel a mission coming on... >:]
- Reader's Mission 07-12-09:

• Comment Question of the Day (lolz, I feel like Shane Dawson or Michael Buckley) is what is your favourite part/thing about Christmas?
  
• Comment on at least 3 blogs today [and you can include mine, btw :3]

So, go complete your mission, oh lovely things. May not blog for another few days so comments build up or something. Love you guyssss.

LUCY
XX
COMMENTTTT


[ps. yes, I have been using smileys/retard speak/not very profound expressions but I'll stop when I don't need to cheer myself up...]

Hammers fall on all the pieces...

Good morning, Mr. WWW.
It is 8.47am. It's a Saturday morning, but it feels like a Sunday. I have to finish off my homework, but sod it, I would stop half way through a snog with Colin Farrell to blog. Hang on, I just lied. Sorry, but can you truly blame me? AAAAnyway, yesterday was fun. Made cookie monster cupcakes which were big hit. Nomnomnom. They were slightly more lilac than blue because I ran out of food colouring but meh. I forced Jemma and Ashling into going. They went but moped around all emo. You know how ironic it is to go 'I'm bored' in a room full of people? I bet those African children never say that (>.>). Over on Naomi's site, she posted Harry Potter when all the parts that said wand were now changed to willy. I swear I basically PMSL. It was taken from Facebook, the land of Pirate English and those weird secret quiz things that everyone answers a little toooo truthfully and then you pay your 50 coins and read their answers and it's like... 'Ehm, thanks, I'ma Go Die.' ( Harry Potter's Wand/Willy )







Got a snog last night. T'woo T'woo. Second year, but oh well. And then there was something that someone should've told me considering that someone told me something they should've told me last weekend. I feel so betrayed or something when people do that. And the topic itself upset me. Ahhh. This all sucks. Sad face. Ever get that feeling of nausea when you think of something that
upset you? When I went home, I felt like I needed to puke all over the place. I still do. And it's not like a stomach bug or anything, I know for a fact it's because of the thing. 'You treat me just like another stranger'; Speaking of Paramore, next Saturday at the o2. Something to look forward to and something to distract me and Missa. And then it's Christmas tests, then Mocks, then Junior Cert, then Christmas tests again, then Summer tests, then Christmas tests then Mocks then Leaving Cert, then college, then family then dead. Holy shit, my days are numbered at 14.







I walked around that room, smelling musky like stale B.O. and salt, the wooden floors spreading the expanse. The barred windows remarkably like a prison, the poker table set up. The stacks at the back like warehouse stock. But it's the people who catch my eye. They're all the same. The wemos with their weird hair and try-too-hard make-up, in stripey clothes and fat skinny jeans. The wannabes in their jeans, uggs and long sleeved tops, occasionally topped off with a scarf of some sort. The Guitar Dorks jamming away in the dark corner, wearing leather jackets or dress shirts. There are the people that nobody can name, in their normal clothes or Criminal Damage hoodies (at least the Dunnes Stores version). And then there's me, Jemma, Ashling and the rest of the guys. Guys don't tend to bunch off as much; It must be like 'Yo, you have a penis too!' and then they're all happy clappy no bitch zone. I was wearing my white t-shirt, my black high waisted puffball skirt with the white polkadots, my honey-coloured tights, my black patent heels. Jemma was wearing her signature emo hoodie-and-jeans combo. Ashling in her normal people clothes. Both still look better than everyone at youth club. It's as if they don't even try. I love you guys.




(I usually hate Trashley and Hairy-Kate but I like this pic. :P)



On a little social note, Gino is king of the Jungle! I would've preferred Justin to win but he was gone and damn, Gino D'accampo is like 'TAP THAT ALL OVER THE FLO'. Yayyy, Gino. I'd also like to thank someone this week, and she has already mentioned me in her latest blog but anyway....
Ahem...
I would like to thank Merissa George Genesis Cullen for being here for me. The phone calls, the movie days, the lesbian sex good clean fun. You have to be the best friend anyone could have. Beautiful, kind, funny, a listener and a talker. You are awesome-squared. I love chuuu, babes. Seal for Christmas, but we'll get a muzzle so it doesn't eat Tesco. Lulz.

Testing..
Major Tom,
Over and out.
LUCY
XX
(comment pleeease)

Short post, kk, my badddd.

I have spent a week not blogging apparently. Sorry for lull, I was made blog-redundant by my f-izzle-ather. Apparently, nicking his iphone in the middle of the night to talk to peeps on Bebo is bad behaviour. Lolz @ his sillyness. Not much has happened. Habit caught by parents, they grr'd at me then realized that it only made the problem worse. Was told to shape up or ship out of Honours maths, so I decided 'shape up' because I can be smart if I please, I'm just uber lazy. Merissa and Chris broke up. Efa and Breda are still together. Laura broke up with Tom. Spent Sunday with Missa, taking 37 pictures, watching Not Another Teen Movie and eating. Saturday, was forced into town with cousin. I felt showed up by her. She's all gorgeous and clear-skinned and brown haired and slim and D-Cupped. I was like 'KTHXIMAGODIE' and any time I turned my back, mummy dearest bitched about me to my cousin. Helloooo, ever hear of common ethics? It also meant I didn't get to say goodbye to Danny. Listening to Lenka. Mmmm, pretty singing.





Ever feel things slipping through your fingers? Like your grasping and tugging but they're falling through the cracks. Like all your dreams are melting. Over-dramatized but still. I used to care so much about people but they're fading like pencil, like all those promises are becoming quieter and quieter 'til they vanish. All the friendships. It's like Paramore: 'We were friends who stuck together, we wrote our names in blood...'. I miss being little and ignorant. Deaf to the insults, blind to the differences. We were all just kids. Okay, okay, I admit being a little put off by the one in the corner who smelled funny or the one with the wonky eyes, but all in all it was a great time. Now it's all superficial. I notice that when I wear my contacts to school and wash my hair, people go gaga over talking to me. When I'm greasy and glasses-ed, people laugh or talk about me behind my back. It's horrible, really. Shallow, shallow, shallow. And the way I dress does not make me a slut. >.> I just like looking skinnier than I am, kk? AHH. Pssh. I don't feel like blogging so this will most likely be fail. 6 comments. Not too shabby, but ehhrrrmm 58 followers. So that means 52 of you lazy sods aren't doing anything.

I feel the need to go. Cinderucy shall post tomorrow night.

Comment, Jizz, Bath towels.
LUCY
XX

We're falling faster than the stars....

I look in the mirror and I see a girl with streaky eyeliner, deep bags, bumpy skin and yellow teeth. The light hits her face and elongates her nose. The tears sparkle in her eyes like morning dew. The stale taste in her mouth of salt and the lump in her throat. She swallows, but it's still there. The lump. It sticks like glue. Then there's that feeling. Of anxiety, when you realize you've said too much and the person under the stairs has definitely heard something and might possibly tell. The night sky reminds me of the dark endlessness. How it all keeps going, a bottomless glass. No matter how bad you think things are, they'll still happen. No matter how much you punish someone, they'll still do it. And when you feel the shadow of a knife behind you, no matter how much you do to prevent the social catastrophe that's about to happen, it'll still plunge stiffly into your skin. Grey into ivory, crimson running cold. People are deaf to my reasons and arguments. Opinions are only true to the beholder. The cold linen is sliding on my back. Does any of this even matter anymore?



Everyone's all loved up; Tom and Laura got together, Fiona was already with Adam, Efa found herself this gorgeous lass, of course I can't mention a few other people but I don't need to. Point is I'm most likely to be one of the only single people on Christmas. I'll huddle up and watch Love Actually alone, on repeat, and cry. Especially when Snape cheats on his wife. That lovely wife who only ever tries to help. Cry cry. I feel horrible and nauseated. Stupid acne tablets practically make me puke. They've got this weird aftertaste of the sticky part of duck tape and brussel sprouts. Two things I hate with a flaming passion. Although, I don't usually eat duck tape. Unless I am ripping it with my teeth etc. It's like when people say that cheese tastes like ass, although they probably have never leaned over a person and bit a chunk out of their posterior. Went YC. It pretty much sucked. Picked up cousin from airport before that. She is gorgeous and I lurv her because she is awesome. She talks kind of like Stacey on X Factor but in a better way because she is totes best cousin ever. *dork face*.



Town tomorrow with cuz and sis. Will probably trawl the vintage shops like.. Kate Moss or Sienna Miller and be all like *swish flick*. Not a clue what to wear. Possibly ripped jeans, black wedge boots, t-shirt and black coat. Might not bother showering tomorrow. Will probs just straighten hair and fluff it up. Am all excited. Because I can go Starbucks, like I did in the airport. Caramel Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream is total winter warmer imho, so go and invest, meladeez. Ehm ehm, I have nothing to talk about really. Life is in monotone, monocolour. I need my Prince/ss Charming to come and save me and turn my life technicolour like Oz. 'There's no place like home, there's no place like home'. I want to keep my ruby slippered un-clicked and I shall never utter those words. My wings are clipped, but I wish they werent.

COMMENT
LUCY
XX

Money can't buy you back the love that you had then...

The dark envelopes the scene from my window. Trees painted black with night, struggling against her great arms. The floodlights from the garden centre next door illuminate the moss-eaten wall like a reading lamp, so I can see the chapters of it's life and the binding that's falling apart. Rabbits flit, like tiny cars on a green motorway, like tiny baseball players. The stone path reminds me of the Irish beaches, the tiny fragments unattractive and loud. Mountains, black as ink, are vaguely visible. Indigo-charcoal skies swallow them. The whirring of my laptop kisses my ears, welcome compared to screaming and shouting that usually is audible in my home. The faint mumbling of the kitchen television. Life's good. When I think about those down-and-outs, sitting alone on the street with 3 hessian blankets and a McDonalds coffee cup filled with gleaming coppers, it makes me think about existance. Why are we here? Will we ever know? I think that maybe we find out the minute we pass on, that it all just clicks in our brain and we know. But we're gone already, so it doesn't even matter.

School today. Decided against showering because I hadn't done my history homework. I swear, what the hell was I thinking? Consequences of World War II essay over silky, salon-style hair. Fuckloads of homework. It's a teacher's strike tomorrow, they obviously have misplaced it within their minds as a 3 month holiday of some sort. I'm not allowed to breathe fresh air and talk to human beings until it's all done. I physically can't do the maths. When the fuck in my life am I ever going to need to know functions and algebraic graphs and square roots? I'm going to be a writer, remember? Not a fucking mathematician. I just sat there drawing umbrellas and pools of blood on my notebook all day with my crap skin, greasy hair, and glasses that make me look like an oxygen-starved goldfish. Jesus, if I had to go outside looking the way I do in school, I'd be in screaming hysterics. AHHHHHHHH. And I'd have no friends because Lucy with glasses totes drives people away.



I got back to Gaia. New Account is Liars And Lighters. Yes, you YMA6 fans, is totally first album inspired. My old name is Suicide Skank and I just realized how stupid it is. I'm a total n00b. I just have green skinny jeans, gentleman grey waistcoat, ruffled red tank, grey high tops, skunk plushie and machete. And that little flower that's all encrusted. I'm not one for questing, so I'm just saving up for new hair by forum-fagging and doing jigsaws. Ah, the GD; it's my home. It's like me: constant dirty joke thread, always babbling with romance, hatred of Twilight. Happy days, cyberworld, happy days. Discovered Tegan & Sara, Bombay Bicycle Club and Broken Social Scene. zOMG totally addicted already. I've spent 2 days just humming along to the flowing acoustics and throaty vocals, mesmerized by the quiet drum beats lulling me into a hypnotic trance. It's like I've died and gone to heaven, a spiritual awakening even. Music, the beauty, eh?


I shall go now. Because I'm weird. Actually, am in intense msn conversation with Jemma. I love that girl, even if she's a crazy drunk.

LUCY
XX
COMMENT

But they never make it past my mouth...

Walking back from the Bus Stop last night. The one just past the graveyard. I remember it all so clearly because I was having a sensual overload. The wind was like ice, lashing at my face, pulling at my clothes; But I pushed past it, with my teeth tugging on my lip because the only visible light was the hundred-thousands of headlights twinkling like lost stars. I do my best thinking when I'm alone. Okay, okay, yes, everybody does. But I mean, totally alone. Like, nobody near me, nobody able to interrupt me. I just kept walking and watching the moon illuminate the puddles and the trees swaying in the graveyard. Things get out of control once every while. Like you just need it to slow down so you can take it all in. I found myself fancying the ass of three people as I walked home, but I knew exactly which one makes me the most happy, which one bothers answering my texts, which one hugs me and I feel like I shouldn't ever let go.





Of course, those factors made it obvious who I really liked. In Pride and Prejudice, Charlotte Lucas, an intimate acquaintance of Lizzie, has the theory that marriage is for security and love comes with luck. I used to think it was totally atrocious, but while I was thinking about everything last night, I realized in terms of nowadays that it makes a lot of sense. For example, you feel you are in love with 2 different people. You like 1 a lot more than the other, but the feeling isn't mutual and they never spend time with you. You like 2 a little bit, but he likes you back, and he gives you the time of day. Should you pine over 1 forever, or perhaps pick 2 and be happy?


As I pushed the little metallic buttons of the gate, I saw my shadow flung across the curved wall by headlights. It was my shadow, distorted in to beautiful and thin, and it slid across on to the gate and faded out. It was one of those images that you can see exactly for ages after. I don't know why it implanted itself on my brain. Maybe that the light moved me or something. Because our earth's amazing and light can do so much. I don't even have a clue, but the magic's in the mystery. Just like there's method in the madness. I love dainty little phrases. They're like tiny little ballerinas, twirling their sugarplum tutus on your tongue, pirouetting on your lips and finally leaping out in to the open to join all the other ballerinas. Never had the chance to wear my new black skirt with the white polkadots and the chanel inspired pumps with the pearls and the beige flower brooch. My mom was being a whorebag, dictating what I can wear and what I can't. 'Cover your cleavage, Lucy'. I don't get why people always call me a whore because I wear low-cut tops. Jesus, half the people who call me a whore have given head. I am a 32B. Like Lily Allen, and to quote her 'My tits are tiny, I don't need a bra' (well it was something along those lines). I wear a bra, but will people pleeease stop going on about my boobs? Stupid girlhood.







Went to see a Christmas Carol 3D. It was. A. M. A. Z. I. N. G. First off, I would definitely not bring children to it. It has images of the grim reaper and his black thestral type thing, zombies, ghosts, these two ragged demon children called Revenge and Want. I was terrified at some parts like when the grim reaper hand jumped out of the screen. I was just terriffiieedd. It had everything for an instant classic, well-known story, great music, amazing animation, actors you can name like that *snaps*, and of course the added bonus of 3D. Jim Carrey & Colin Firth were recognizable as soon as their characters arrived on screen. Same with Ryan Ochoa, who is Chuck on iCarly. Before you judge, iCarly is fucking good. I adored that movie. 13 of us went to the cinema and the majority were guys, and they all wanted to see Harry Brown, but me, Efa and Elise were like noooooooo. Elise and Sionnan wanted to see Jennifer's Body, but me, Efa and Buttons had already seen that. The guys were blatantly refusing to watch UP 3D. So we settled on a Christmas Carol on the basis that nobody had seen it yet, and it looked okay. Movie well spent. I recommend it.

Well, I'm gonna go now. Comment please.
Shout-out to Georgia, Lulu, Danny and Nickster because they read and comment and I love them muchos.
XX

• Ninja Restaurant, New York <3
• Mystery Google
• Average People Unite :)
  

Take back this city....

It's abnormally freezing here in the green land. I mean, hello? Global Warming? Pick up please?
Parent-Teacher meeting yesterday. Comments weren't bad which surprised me so much my mouth hung open for like half an hour. Apparently, I've improved greatly in Maths, yet I thought I was doing the opposite. Loadsa teachers said I didn't hand up my homework, but if I was out last week, how am I supposed to do it? Meuhh Meuhhh, Fucktards. I pulled tonnes of lip skin off during English accidentally and now my lip is burrrning so je regrette. Je parle le langue Francais.. J'adore Francais et je veux un garcon beau Francais. Sigh, malheuresment, je n'ai pas un garcon beau Francais mais j'ai chocolat. :)





It feels like the world's closing in, waiting for my choice. I feel like I'm stranded on a roundabout and I can either be brave and choose which way I'll go or stay here forever. And all the angry drivers are wondering what the fuck I'm doing and hurrying me on. Which road should I take? I remember being 7 years old and desperately wanting to be a teenager like Lizzie McGuire and she had a boyfriend and she stayed out late and IM'ed. But now, I'm not so sure. With each opportunity, comes a responsibility. As in responsibility for your actions. And usually the actions fail you but you still must be responsible and smart. Take the bull by the horns and push past ignorance. It's harder than it seems, this growing up thing.


Picked it up again now. Thursday at 06:46am. I was pestered by the fact I had a draft. It just sat there in my mind 'FIIINIISSHH YOUUR BLOOGGG POSSSST'. So here I am. *waves*. Hyper hyper. Approx 37 days 'til Christmas. Everyone else has the huge lists and I'm like woo woo camera. Why do people need so much at Christmas anyway? If I received tonnes, I'd be happy anyway, but my parents never gave me too many presents. Little 8 year olds have lists like netbook, playstation 3 and Halo 3 for the playstation 3. If I even asked for that, I'd be grounded. I want to give all my money to charity or something good like that but nah. Too much effort. Aldi have gingerbread houses! I nearly died of excitement because they have a train too and it's all completely edible. I could pretend to be the Cloverfield monster, smash the house down then send my minions on Janice Ian. >:]

I shall go now. Because I need to straighten my hair and drink tea and possiblé put foundation on. Roll on Mr. Weekend.

LUCY
XX
COMMENT

Just say there's nothing holdin' you back...

Dearies.

11.24am. Sick, so came home early from school. I reckon I should get some blood tests, check that all's well. But I hate blood tests, because of someone fiddling around under my skin. Picked back up an old habit. Bought my new look in Dundrum shopping centre yesterday. Red lipstick, kohl and Coco Chanel inspired items. It looks quite formal but I love it. Gotta love Penneys, eh? Premiering this new fashionable Lucy this weekend, provided I am not hung by ankles and skinned by parents tomorrow after Parent Teacher Meeting. I don't give a fuck anymore. I know, ignorant teenager much? But St. Wolstans is horrible. The teachers hate me, the pupils hate me. I feel like I'm sniggered at each time I turn my back. Doesn't help that cliques are established and I don't belong in them. I have Ash and Jem but they're quiet and tired in school, and I sense they find me annoying how I'm always 'happy' in school or something. I just love being around people. Most of my friends don't go St. Wolstans. Also, everyone is still kind of wary of me because of the whole 'liking girls' fiasco. Hellooo, all you little catholic girls do not make me wet. St. Wolstans is chock-full with little preppy, tracksuit-wearing barbies who all look the exact same. Hating on it.

I did so much shopping yesterday, it's unbelievable. I'mma google-image some of the things I bought and then use PhotoFiltre (awesome free program) to mash 'em into a pic for you. Fuck it, I could only find my cute panda beanie on the River Island website. It's so adorable though, well worth the €17.50.

Katy Perry wore it too, so not exactly totally original but omg I'm in love with it. I got two flannel shirts in Penneys, black and white and then one thats different shades of purple. I got a nerdy golf jumper from H&M kids, because I'm quite small. 2 new pairs of jeans from their too, one shredded stonewashed pair and another pale blue figure hugging pair. Grey nerd type top.. one of those vesty things. Polka dot skirt, pearls with a beige flower brooch, black and white patent pumps with a little gold chain. Plait bracelets. There's more but I can't think. Phwaah. I am actually so happy with my purchases. Happy days like.


Listening to Lovebug- Jonas Brothers because I'm fucking awesome weird. It's such an adorable song. I always wanna cry because no boy I know a) would ever feel that way & b) would especially ever feel that way for me. I keep reading romance novels and they set my expectations all high. I want love so much. Just to feel it. Why aren't there any handsome, dark, sensitive boys out there? Hello? I mean, it's not that much of a specification. I'll even settle for relatively okay, dark and sensitive, as long as they're not fat. Girls too, come to think of it. I fancy the arse off one boy and one girl and they both think of me as a friend so fuck it, eh? I feel so unattractive. Especially with beautiful friends like mine who always have boys after them. Epic fail. I put on clothes and make-up and aim for perfection and fall short. Putting net out on blog. Hereeee, sexy sexy sexy. Come love me, creatures. Please?? AHH. I'M CRAZY.

39 days 'til Christmas; Camera and festivity and depression. I don't want to be single for Christmas, I want escapades under the mistletoe. I'm not independent! I want someone warm to hug and hold and amigawd, fail, because people like me never ever find that, do we? No. People who've read this blog since before Summer know how crap my self-esteem is, especially back in the days of Candyshop Cocaine and Cynical And Whimsical. Then in Summer, I got male attention and female too, and I was like 'WOAH! I must not be too bad!' but then I got dumped 4 times, and now I'm totes unloved so fail. It totally destroyed happy confident Lucy. Complain, complain. RAWWH.

I'd better go.
Music Monday- Mushaboom by Feist.

LUCY
XX
COMMENT

Now is the winter of our discontent...

Sticky tea dried down my legs, home-done french manicure chipped, sticky face cream slathered on to skin. It feels like two sharp knives are right in at my spine, at the base. Just jammed between the vertebrae, and laughing as I contort in this agony. It's not even the physical agony, and I don't know why any of this is agonizing. I'm self obsessed, in a bizarre way. Like I love myself, but because I hate myself. 01.17 am. Remnants of tonight's kohl streaming down my puffy cheeks. I want fresh air, sunny days, a camera in my hand, sunflowers surrounding me. Something surreal, being wrapped in webs and downy duvets of fairytale lies. I guess I'm just never happy. I only think of my self as a failure. The days that I feel beautiful are the days when I haven't insulted someone. It just doesn't click; When I achieve something, I just aim higher until I reach these unthinkable desires. Evil things, bitchy things. Things against the girl code. Things against morals. I really wish I could decipher who I am. It's like a code. I don't know what it is.

Gaa. What can I say; I never enjoy it. For a while I do, but then I slide or something.
I can't stand this. Two posts make me crazy. I'm just going to put in a picture I took in Cavan over the summer. It's blurred to the left, it's black and white, but I like the picture. It's the type of photography that literally plasters deviantart, but fuck it, bite me.



(click to enlarge, as always)

LUCY
XX
Comment me.
Or facebook.
Or something.

Fuck son. 7 comments.
Now that's more like it.
This is gonna be short, because I'm hyper-excited and stuff.
And facebooking.
Woo for laptop being fixed. Happy days, eh?
It's perfect and I'm chilling listening to Weezer and Manson in my knickers, scrubbing two names off my hands because Jemma made me.
This is the good life.
I'm pretty happy except for the whole 'lucy is at window watching life whilst other people are actually playing with life and shit' feeling I've been getting lately. I've been mighty half-assed, as you can see from lack of pictures in this post. Camera for XMAS. Proper photography type one instead of silly little cybershot. I'm trés excited. Fuji Finepix SI500fd. It's the cheapest SI there is so I'm like woooo. It's 10mp which is good, even though my last one was 12mp but I can't wait. Ahhh photo happinesss...

Today is Friday the 13th. Stuff of legend, and myth. I have great luck on these days because of my mirror experience 6 years ago. I'm quite superstitious about mirrors and glass. They have this odd aura or something. Mirrors can be a blessing or a curse, depending whose looking in and if they're being watched from the other side. I was like drop smash grr. It was my sister's and I always felt like since it wasn't my property, it doubled the curse or something. I swear, I'm not crazy.

Typing like a crackhoe today. So hyper. It's unbelievable. Type type play play FAAACEEBOOKKK. I better go now, so as not to embarrass myself further on the interwebs.

Hit me up with some comments, babyyyy.

LUCY
XX

Look at me all spontaneous.
I've gone for Minima Lefty as my template because I really wanted normal comments back instead of dumb old c-box. I like this, but I'm sure it'll lose me followers or prospective followers. So if you're reading today's posts (this is the second) - comment on this one please, and make sure to tell me if you liek it or not. (:

Lucy
xx

La, la, la, la, la, the boys are waiting...

"Every hero becomes a bore at last - R. Emerson"






3rd day of sickness, I really think maybe I should study but gah the effort. Missed school talent show out of being ill last night. Epic fail. Drag Me To Hell = Total letdown. What is with 2009 horrors? They suck. The only one that lived up to my expectations was Final Destination. Jennifer's Body was a good comedy, but the build-up to Cody's horror debut was so unnecessary. There was blood, and black pricky vomit but that's as far as the gore went. And the music didn't make suspense. As horror movies usually go, it did stray from usual human breeding. Through out the whole film, Needy searched her abode in complete darkness. Helloooo, woman, when there are brutal killings in your city, would you not flick the light switch? In Drag Me to Hell, a gust of wind leads her to cry. Uhm.. I'm not sure about you guys but when air rushes my way.. I don't start bawling my eyes out? Directors, eh?


Copy and Paste what some wemo bebo commented me last night:
"lol at lil wannabe scene skanks
who look like a retarded fetus :) :L"
Haha fun times? These bebo 'fames' are just getting on my nerves. Thou are not holier than I shall ever be. God has not placed superiority upon thou sacred palm. Suck my lefty. Jesus, he could at least spell foetus scientifically. Rawr. I'm not a scene wannabe either? I'm the opposite. I'm not a bulimic, loose-trousered loser. Just a plain old loser. And I loveee being a loser. Je n'aime pas tu filles et garcons Scene; Je n'aime pas tu!! Get this though, my readers. His bebo profile states : Scene. Pshh, way to hypocritise. Is that a word, even? Fuck it.


Lately, parents have been doing a lot of fighting. Not as much as before they almost divorced, but more than normal. And my mom's always crying and I wish I could extend my hand for help... but I can't. These are her problems and she hates people trying to help. Stubborn, like me I guess. The house thing is worrying me too. I don't wanna live on the streets. That'd suck.. I feel like the parentals are in denial of the debt. 'If we can't see it, it's not there' kinda thing. I feel like the adult here. They still have these great expectations of me. That I get all a's in everything, but if they checked my journal and copies and tests, they'd see I'm not assed at any of it. I really don't see the point of any of it. Listening to Lily Allen's 22, I started thinking about my fairytale ending, and about how it probably wont have one. I'll end up like the girl in 22... Single, used, without a career; Lounging in front of Eastenders with a little tin of takeaway noodles. Epic Fail.






GaGa's amazing new video for Bad Romance - yes, folks, I finally found the real video && embedded it for you - is totally turning me GaGa. I remember when I totes hated Lady Gaga and her affiliates at the Haus Of Gaga but recently.. Hell yeah, I'm feeling it. I wish I had gig money for her Monster Ball. I'll see her next year. This video brings everything that I love in a good music video into one. Craziness, quirkiness, contacts, a clever advertisement and originality. Bath Haus Of Gaga, the crazy pink perm, the French section of the lyrics, the massive deer-in-headlights contact lenses, the scantily clad GaGa herself. She is hot. I'm beginning to think 2010 is the true Birth of GaGa.



Thanks for the comments.
But I need more.
Link to friends day?

(:

LUCY
XX

Dramatic music.

Haven't posted since last Thursday. Comments for once. Happy days. Sick for the past two days, stomach bug. I've been thinking a lot lately.. About stupid things. Like gifts or talents. Everyone is supposed to have one? Ashling is a good listener, Merissa is funny and a good singer, so is Jemma, Georgia is a great writer, Efa is beautiful and intelligent. Hang on, they're all beautiful and intelligent. And they're all good at sport. Grr at their talents but ILTHEM. I'm kinda just... here. I'm such a moanbag, eh? I just wonder WHAT IS MY PURPOSEEE?. S'like I was placed here to make people look better. Ahh, distracted by Robbie's You Know Me and him in his bunny suit. O.o. Anywaaay, I don't think I have a point in being here. I think about all those starving people with bamboo huts and no parents who deserve my life, and then go... why does such a selfish, psycho-whore like me have the life they deserve? Either life is a total bitch, or that person in the sky has Tarantino-humour. Birth, bitch, bereavement.


Gaa disco on Friday. Hell yeah, party up. *major sargasm*. Nothing better than stumbling in the dark, vodka and fake tan filling your nostrils and all the beautiful people tongue-orgying their way to popularity and prosperity. And then there are the wallflowers, like me, staring longingly at their 3-foot legs and their bright dyed hair. Funsiez like. School = suxxor. Too much homework. Faiil. I want to lay down and scream my lungs out in the middle of maths. Just lay there and yell out what I feel about the Junior Cert and our dastardly politicians, buying iPhone 3Gens with money straight out of the tax-payers pocket. While the rest of us struggle to pay our electricity bills. FUCK THIS FUCKING FUCK IRELAND GRR. I vote we all move to America. All in favour, say I.


Shout out to Dannysaurus Rex. Because he's online and I need people to talk to because sick days are fail but win at same time. Hayley Williams new blonditude makes her look like young Madonna, lookkkkk. Paramore in December. T'woo T'woo. She lives in a faaaiiiryyytaaalleee. So hyper and distracted. Like Tessa, Aka Meekakitty. Youtube her if you silly earthlings have not tubequainted yourselves with the almighty Meekster. This time of year is actually so beautiful; I look out the window and JD-moment how amazing nature is. The crisp leaves curling at the edges, the warm colours caressing eachother. It's times like this when I wish I wasn't idiotic enough to break my camera beyond repair. My dad suggested I use the family cybershot, but it's so not me. When I used to use my black camera with the Carl Zeiss retracting lens, it was like holding a small child that captured memories. Y'alls probably like EHM WTF. But to me this all makes sense. Inside my head. Oh gosh, I think I'm semi autistic.

I'mma go. Comment, bloghoes.
LUCY
xx

High off hand sanitizer...

Gaga Ooh La La




Right.
I am a crazy psycho who is squashing two people in to one skin. Yikess.
Well, Jade is my new outlet. I'm trying hard to stop bitching. Unsuccessfully.
So Jade's there to let out all this hatred and shit.



I haven't properly blogged in quite a while so I'll aim for it today. Junior Cert. Arggghhh. They hype it up so much that it actually scares me now. I feel like I need to study. I got 68% in Maths. Which is great for me. I was like YAYY because I passed and got honour. Happy days. I'm so hungry lately too. For a while I thought, OMFG pregnant but then smart brain type think kicked in 'Lucy, you aren't getting any, and you won't be for a longggg time, kthxbai.' So I'm just a fat cow. Seriously, my thighs are like sacks filled with custard. I walk and they slap against each other and echo. Need to exercise. I might go back to working out in my room before bed. That's what always kept me fit. It sounds horrible, but I wish I went back to post-operation-underweight. Most definitely, you're all there cringing in your seats, feeling embarrassed for my lack of depth or tutting at me in horror and superiority. But I find thin beautiful. I used to lie and say some people were too thin, but there's no such thing. And guys fall for those over-thin girls.



Speaking of guys, I repel them utterly. It's a curse. Hitler had a wife, yet I don't have a boyfriend. Helllooooo.. earth to dating community? I'm right here. There must be some semi-neurotic hater out there suited for me, in a flannel shirt and skinny jeans with natural hair? Or just a fellow reader, in jeans and a t-shirt who listens to David Bowie religiously. Or maybe a happy, smiley ear-pierced skanger, because opposites attract? Grr. I give up. Y'all are like 'You're fourteen, you've got a life ahead of you to find love...' but I want it now. I want someone to cuddleee and be warm with and hear his heart beating through his shirt and melt melt orgasm noise. Pride and Prejudice has put my expectations and hopes at a brand new level. I want a Mr. Darcy... mysterious, repelling, charming in a bad-mannered way. Rich too. Or a Mr. Wickham... outrageously handsome with a way of twisting people. Mmmm. Jane Austen has both impeccable taste and an amazing imagination.



Cillian, I would like to apologize for any judgments I made on this blog of you, but there's so much gossip about everything and I was angry and omfg unnecessary drama everywhere. Everyone's fighting. End of 2k9, loike, on a bad note. Drama, drama everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Hang on.. That's not it. W Factor Junior Heats on soon. To all of you cultured foreigners, W Factor is our school talent show. Great name, huh? But I think I'mma go. Because if it's not good, it's going to be hilarious. And if it is good, then it's worth our money. The seniors are usually better, but I can go to the finals to see them. Starting to like Gaga's new hit. Will embed.

Lucy
xx
Comment again, laydeez.
And actuaalllyyy, Neko, I was (Y) for you. :B

An introduction.

Bitch has landed.
That's it. I'm fed the fuck up of all of you.
The human species.
We're mistakes; Disgusting, horrible mistakes.
This is my alter-ego. Fuck it if I'm crazy,
Fuck it if you consider it a multiple personality disorder.
I'm going to call this alter-ego.. Jade.
Jade the killer psycho bitch.
Jade, the strong, courageous, beautiful, popular, loved version of Lucy.
As Jade, I hate the human race.
Girls my age... Catty. Bitchy. Scandalous.
Read Neko's blog... and it confirmed whichever theories I had
of girls anyway. Why does anyone have the right to point out another's flaws?
Damnit, I'm sorry my genetics made me look like this?
I'm sorry I was brought up with a poor sense of judgement and the ability to make mistakes?
Any girl reading this... I want you to cut other girls some slack.
Forgive, forget, do what it takes. That comment you nearly made about that girl?
Swallow it.
About that girl you were going to nudge in the corridor 'accidentally'?
Pin your arm down.


Promise for a proper post soon.
I really do.

Jade, Lucy's evil inner twin.

xx

[This time, please bother commenting. Props to Lulu & Vic. Pandas FTW]

Go on and take a bite...

Click To Enlarge....




Hello, the dear people who actually can bother their arses to read this.
I kept procrastinating and going 'Ughh, I'll do it later' on the blogging front, but now I finally got to doing it at 9:15am, Sunday. This time tomorrow I'll be listening to the buzz of class and whispers of who fucked who and who lost their hand to fireworks. Halloween 2'k'9 = Suxxor. It failed hard. Didn't go out for the whole day and then Dad rented Final Destination 2, because Drag Me To Hell was all out. He watched half of the movie with me and then ran off to go to some party with my sister's friend's parents. I was left alone with hormonal mommy, because her painters are in, and we watched x-factor and I bitched and moaned at her about wanting to be real proper blonde.



Speaking of X-Factor, I reaaallyyy hated rock night. They wrecked some of my favourite songs.. Joe took Journey's classic: Don't Stop Believing and made it into a boring anti-ballad which was about as bloody inspiring as Paris Hilton's autobiography. Stacey the Dimwit did a over-vibrato, pop version of Keane's Somewhere Only We Know and Lloyd targetted the girlies with I kissed a Girl... Which really isn't rock. Anyhoo, he wasn't attractive and was utter fail. Danyl (<3) did a song I didn't know, but it was kind of mojo-less. I hate how they give him such a hard time. Stacey, Lloyd and Jedward suck & should be voted out. And Danyl has real talent. Like, magik tear-jizz-love-inducing singing. Sigh.

Weekend = Boring. No homework done. Will probs do today. Feeling pretty down for no reason. I don't get how people do that bitey MSN personal message. When they pick something subtle but obvious and display it for everyone with a sarcastic smiley face after it. It doesn't seem very mature to me. Nobody's mature nowadays, aight?

I'mma go now.
Linking you to some of my social networking accounts.
Add me and follow me etc.
LOVE YOU GUYS.

LUCY
XX
COMMENT

• Bebo
• Twitter
• Plurk
• Facebook
• Myspace
  

PS. Sorry about the short post.

This is going to be short because it's my morning cup of tea and I need to go have a shower etc.
I'm turning over another new leaf. I plucked up the courage to get prescription skin cream (ikr, but I'm retarded and hate doctors), I'm not going to try as hard and hope everything just tumbles and lands together like a jigsaw.

I'm thankful that...
My parent's aren't divorced,
I've got two best friends who I adore...
(But I don't think they understand it.)
My back is fixed.
I'm intelligent.
I'm single.
I am myself, and only that.
I make mistakes.

I want to just say something before I sign out.
Everybody is equal.
I heard a conversation yesterday between two people.
PS. I don't care what they think of me.
Anyway, they were talking about someone who occasionally thinks
she's better than other people.
And one of the people talking stated that it was with due reason.
And the other nodded.
No. No. No. No.
Nobody is better than anyone else. We all make the same mistakes.
We're all the same race. No matter if you're annoying,
socially retarded, bad-mannered, conceited, depressed, overly cynical....
We're all the same. Human. And no matter what you think...
No matter how far your head is up your ass and how much better you think
you are then everyone else...
You're just the same as the person your criticizing.


And I wish I had realized it sooner.
Lucy
xx
Comment.

TimeSurge - great posts, all the time.

Toast with golden syrup...

Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack...







Stop with this monotoneeee. Feels like liquid life is rolling off my back. I wish I could live hard and fast... Pull these stupid metal torture devices off with pliers, get suspended, drink, smoke and snort like a rockstar, totter around in 6 inches everyday. Fuck in ditches, have boys trailing at my feet. Ash blonde dye with bright pink coon-tails. I want to be bright-bold-beautiful... but I'm left as Lucy Bennett. The 14 year old with braces and bad skin and no excessive prettyness in any form and an expanding waistband and no tits and no boyfriend. And I'm a waste of space... my parents say it enough and everyone else acts like it. My house is my cage.. I'm just a bird with clipped wings. I feel like I don't get to explore.. I feel trapped and secluded and stupid. I want out.



Today, today, today. Some hot blonde milf came to check out the house to rent. We cleaned 'til 3. Doctors appointment at 5.30. So I went out anyway. Me, Missa & Ash trailed after some people and then got bored and pulled a 'toilet break' at her house for tea and fuddzz. Mmm, golden syrup on toast. And we played 'Do, Date, Dump' and Truth because we know Ashling only ducks into the Dare option. For any inquisitive young people, No, Ashling doesn't poke herself, which we discovered in truth. (Y). It rained today. Surprise, fuckkingg surprise. I was reading Time;Surge and it was about rain and it was lovely. There's something therapeutic about rain. Only when you're indoors listening and watching though. Outside it's just annoying, when eyeliner dribbles and that white t-shirt you wore reaallllly wasn't such a great idea. But indoors, it's like toddlers dancing on your roof, like watching a thousand glittering fairies dance and drop, dance and drop. 3 hour doctor wait... Just for acne cream. There were these two adorable korean kids and that brightened the trip.



I really miss my camera. It's like a horcrux. Like someone destroyed part of my soul. PS. That sounded 18x better before I typed it. On those rare occasions that I look nice, I like to capture it and display it. Oh, and those beautiful gradient pink-orange-indigo sunsets that are so ethereal. Keyword is bracelet. I had to go and fuck up and break it, right? Laptop screen, broken. Phone, broken. Camera, broken. iPod, lost. I try so hard to be careful and graceful but damn, is that a fail. And I'm clumsy. I fall and trip all the time. I thought nobody noticed, but then people started describing me as 'the clumsy blonde' so... I obviously wasn't as inconspicuous as I'd previously wished and assumed.





Hardly any comments. Just Georgia & Vic again. ILY guys. You always comment. It keeps me blogging when you guys comment. It turns on my light-bulb of hope and creativity.
I'mma go now because I'm tired and need tea to give myself envigorating bounce etc.
Addicted to Kesha's Tik-Tok.

LUCY
XX
COMMENT

Take Me Out...

My period leaked all over my favourite Hilfiger jeans. The only denim blue jeans I have. Skinny fit, ass-clinging beauty-of-a-pair-of-jeans. I adore them. I am praying that Mother Nature's scarlet flowing tides is no match for Vanish Oxi Action.

Bank Holiday Weekend Midterm Start.. (Y). T'was pretty damn awesome. Saturday, me and Missa wandered and got lost in forest and then met up with peeps etc. I think I said that last post. Anyway, Sunday... Oh yes, Missa slept over. Watched One Missed Call. Fucking freaky shit, Missa wasn't affected, she is totally horror-tolerant. I was terrified. Naturally. She snores like a hoover. She is too too funny though. Wrote a rap about George the Nigger. Danced to 'I've got a little puppy' by The Smurfs. Oh, the fun. Todayyy, we had separate showers, dried our hair, did our make-upsss. Then I went back Missa's place and waaaaalkkeedddd to call for Ash. We looked mad 80s, me and Missa, cus we both curled our hair and had these whopper bows and leather jackets and illuminous shit. We were ballin' loike. I'm mad hyper. Because I ate like a harse. White chocolate, sour jawbreakers, that sugar-filled over-advertised sour spray thingymabob, salt and vinegar twists. I feel fat as fuck. But I was mad hyper. To the extent that Dannysaurus Rex actually asked if I was drunk. Ste had whiskey though, I fink, but I wasn't going to risk groundation over the mid-term for a swig. And then I basically hip-hop-super-moshed to Taylor Swift and Busted and MJ. And me and Missa did our 'I've gotta little puppy' dance again. Complete with loud refrains of 'POOPAAAA, POOPA SCOOPA'. We really oughta get our heads checked.

I felt so ugly today, and fat and unwanted. I felt like everyone's always staring me down, like the disobedient young child who is always misbehaving... the ugly misfit. And the whole dramarama doesn't help. Dividing the group is just pointless... It's not like it's going to help anything. It's not like it's going to magically work. I apologized. She just didn't accept it. I know so much that I went way too far out of line. And I understand why. But I wish I never said it, I wish I could shut my mouth, I wish I wasn't such a fuck up. I always wonder how the people I know... how their lives would play out if I never existed. If I wasn't ever there or if I vanished. I always think people would be happier. People seem sad when I'm near. Like I drag grey rain clouds above me on a string like helium balloons. I don't know. Epic fail.

I'mma go.

I don't feel like dancing.

LUCY

COMMENT

XX

Repulse me with your lack of satisfaction...

But I turn him on, and he comes to life...

I have never read Hamlet. I don't know if it's on the senior cycle curriculum, but I think it is. But over the past couple of weeks, I've been familiarizing myself with Ophelia, the young woman in love with Hamlet. He original shows her love back, but he begins to ignore her and reject her, and finally humiliate her. And she was so heartbroken she drowned herself, whilst singing love songs and entwining flowers into her hair. The painting is by Alexandre Canabel, and Shakespeare himself wrote the passage in which she dies colourfully and beautifully....

"There is a willow grows aslant the brook,
That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream;
There with fantastic garlands did she come.
Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples.
There on the pendant boughs her coronet weeds
Clambering to hang an envious sliver broke.
When down the weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook."

I don't know why I'm so captured by the tale... I think it's just so sad. Men, eh? Grrr. Now I'm angry at men over fiction. Boys too. I'm so peculiar. I'm in my early teens, yet when I'm single I want to be held, and when I have somebody, I'm mostly uncomfortable. The people I'm actually comfortable with break up with me. This year I've felt like such a failure in the boyfriend thing. Ash will go 'No, I'm worst than you' but she isn't because boys do want her she just doesn't put herself out there in that sense. Longest relationship for me: 2 weeks 3 days. That's an epic fail. I broke up with 3 because I was uncomfortable.... and those were the two-week ones. And then 4 broke up with me, some in a lot less than a week. I thought I was okay about it by now. I thought I was over it. But I feel kind of threadbare. Empty. Only 70 years to go.


Youth Club was almost as bad as the gaa. At least I knew people at youth club. My little case of the snifflez and coffz is now a big case of the snifflez, coffz && sneeezez. But I'm not sick. Teehee. Sleepover with Missa tonight. I feel like an eleven year old. I'm mad excited too. I haven't had a sleepover since well before the operation. Ash was s'posed to come but she's babysitting. Roll on 2k10 bbz. Winter = hatred. I can't even get xmas presents this year 'cus we're poor. So basically, I just want it all to be over with, the unnecessary snifflez & the bad weather.


Pretty pearls mommy bought me..... broke mysteriously snapped in the key word is banana middle of the night all by themselves. Still not doing anything for Halloween. And it's my favourite time of year. This year was effing great. (:

Nothing else to write. Life is boring, monotonous, boringly monotonous and monotonously boring.....


LUCY
XX
COMMENT