Not a real post, just me angry at life.

Ever get that feeling when you're amongst the people losing respect for you? I don't know. I just haven't been so happy-shiney Lucy lately. And I'm not too sure why but it has to do with a couple of things. Stupid things, that anyone else would laugh at. I don't know why I hate myself, but I do. The internet is my safe haven, my happy-passage. I can do whatever I want, make friends who won't judge me. I can post pictures without caring if I look ugly. Real life is so different. People are always yelling at me, always angry at me, people feel the need to diss me randomly, they feel the need to pick at me. Real life, I never end up happy, I can't tell people straight out how I feel, I can't click a button and block them from talking to me. In real life, I can't avoid that unedited reflection that makes me cry so hard when I realized who I've become, internally and externally. On the net, photobucket creates the person I want to be.

I want to live in the internet. People can't see the scars, people don't empathise nor sympathise for any good reason, people are blind to your appearance. Everything would be so much easier if there were a Google Town and Yahoo Village and Myspace District.

These are desperate attempts to become who I used to be, by living each day. I try so hard to act normal, to be like any single one of my friends, my peers, my family. But I fall short everytime, leave people disappointed, leave people angry, leave people infuriated by my self-consciousness and complaining.

If I could be someone else, I would.

Lucy
xoxo