Rehab.

Hello World.
Kinda melancholic.
I guess you guys would call it emo.
I just call it Lucy.

No comments on last post,
thinking of shutting down the blog.
Even if the blog practically is my life.

I wish I could shut down my life...
People really wouldn't miss me.
The only people who would miss me would be my mom, my dad and my sister.
That's 3 people, all of which think I'm odd anyways.
I think about it a lot.
Shutting down my life.
I always end up trying to do it but chickening out.

It's all way to complicated to stay in...
It's just not where I want to be.
Nothing ever goes in any direction that's relatively not bad.
Everything that happens to me makes me feel terrible.
The school, the amazing lack of friends, the rumours.
The way that people are telling others to stay away from me.

I deserve it, I totally do.
But I never found it easy making friends.
About 6 months ago, before the operation, before the fights,
before all the relationships, before all the break ups,
I actually thought maybe for once in my short, short life,
I could be happy.
I WAS happy, I was delighted, I was just so so happy about everything I had, my friends,
my family, people FANCIED me for Christ's sake.

I have to blow EVERYTHING.
Late night whiskey that nobody knew about, until this effing blog post.
Self harm that continued for months on end,
shallow slits that closed up instantaneously,
brought pain but nobody noticed I was doing.
After a while, I did tell people about the cutting,
but I didn't tell them about how frequent it was.

I guess I could call this blog post REHAB.
I've never really said the exact truth,
I never really planned on it, but I needed to let it out.

I don't even know why I'm sad anymore.
I'm healthy, I'm pretty, I have shelter, a family who cares for me.



I just don't understand....

If you wanna help me out, my msn is lkbennett@live.com
MSN is the only thing that helps me work through it all.